It's not hard to see why televangelist Joel Osteen and his wife Victoria are so big with American Christians. He's all about how you should make lots of money and give it all to him because you worship him as a false idol, even though that wasn't really kosher with Jesus, and now here he comes out in defense of exploiting sweatshop labor so a handful of supermodels can continue to reap eight-figure paychecks for cavorting around with their tits taped together perpetuating unattainable standards of beauty. Not what Jesus would do either! But hey, whatever it takes to keep the spark alive, as the pair told Larry King Tuesday night when Larry asked about why Joel had instructed his followers to start shopping at Victoria's Secret. (Easy coy deflection: "That's Victoria's little secret!" But did they use it? Nooooooo...)

Larry King: Is this — is this true, that you once exhorted women in the audience to shop at Victoria's Secret to help their marriage?

J. OSTEEN: Oh, well, that was — that's probably true. I think the whole...

KING: That's why you're smiling all the time.

J. OSTEEN: OK. OK. I hope it was in a good context, though. I mean, I wasn't — it's too much to explain now, but yes I did.

V. OSTEEN: Yes, he was encouraging women. He was encouraging women to take careful [care of?] themselves.


V. OSTEEN: And to not go around in their old, you know, bathrobes, and that they could add that spark to their home. And I think that was great.

KING: What's wrong with that?

J. OSTEEN: No, there's nothing. And that was my point, don't go look good and dress up to go to work and dress up to go to event[s?] for everybody else. Dress up for your own husband. I mean, look good at home.

Ugh, seriously? I know I'm supposed to say something funny or caustic at this point for those of you who haven't skipped down to the comments already, but I'm sitting at home, looking extra good because my landlord set the building thermostat at ninety degrees over the weekend, so I'm boiling up which is making me think... Hell, these two believe in it right? God I hope they go there.

Oh P.S. there's a poll attesting to the fact that everyone agrees with the Osteens; kill me now.


Preacher Joel Osteen Says Wives Should Shop At Victoria's Secret [Ada Calhoun]