A spider monkey in East Bumblefuck, Indiana (otherwise known as "Michigan City") made a desperate bid for freedom this weekend by traversing an empty moat and crawling up a garden hose. Okay, actually, it doesn't sound like it was that hard. He was recaptured at a nearby boat dealership, having evolved into the kind of primate that goes to boat dealerships and gawks at shiny speed boats. Evolution is simple! (Yes, this was just a gratuitous reason to run a cute monkey picture and reference Stephen Colbert.) [USA Today]