'Mom Jeans' Are No Joke. They Are Glorious and Should Be Embraced.

Stomach roll party in the front, and butt roll party in the back — Mom jeans are the ultimate in capital S Style. And even if you’re all, “WTF NO,” please know that you’re wrong, and will soon be wearing them, too. Oh yes, you will.

With the help of Fashionista, let me breakdown the appeal of mom jeans.

First, you can now purchase them in stores. That might seem simple for most clothing, but it’s been a challenge in the past with mom jeans. You used to have to dig dirty pairs out of the “Nicer Clothing” bin at Thrift Town, but now you can march into Top Shop and purchase your high-waisted acid wash style pants right there. Bonus: they’re stain- and scent-free. Imagine that! So, first things first, they’re easy to buy, and that is appealing.

Second, they’re comfortable as fuck. Whatever you’ve got going on below the boobs, it doesn’t matter, just stuff it all into your mom jeans and call it a day. Plus, never worry about keeping to your diet in a pair of mom jeans, because in the spirit of moms everywhere, mom jeans take excellent care of (food) babies. Get two tortillas on your next Chipotle burrito, because your stylish new jeans have got it covered. Literally.

Third, moms are just cool. They make dope sandwiches — or order excellent Chinese food if you’re my mom — and they don’t give a fuck about Instagram or whatever the hell a fav is. Mom thinks a vine is what you use to climb a tree, and Twitter is called Chipper. Moms have just recently learned to text, and they excel at it by sending you the best, most incoherent messages. Moms rule, and so do their jeans.

Important: Elle Fanning (who?) loves them, and she’s cool (is she cool?): “Even now, I won’t wear the skinny-jeans style, because most people wear those—they have to be baggier, boyfriend-looking, or sort of like a mom jean,” she told New York. “I’m real funny that way.” (LOL)

Keri Russell sports them on The Americans — a Soviet spy show that takes place in the 80s — and she looks damn fine. (Also, the show is really good, maybe because of the jeans?):

And most importantly, moms wear what they want and they get shit done. Moms are the original TCB, and mom jeans are the original jeans to TCB in.

[ONE QUICK NOTE: Just watch out for the camel toe — which is obviously something many of you think is fresh because it is and also, it nicely highlights the vagina (“if u got it, flaunt it,” am I right?) — but maybe you’re more conservative, so just be on the look out for mom jeans that infringe on That Which Is Most Sacred.]

Finally, you’re always in good company when you wear them: (And, yes, I know this is a joke, but they honestly look good to me!)

Obviously you should wear whatever the fuck you want — tramp around in brightly-colored skinny jeggings for all I care! — I will still rock my mom jeans, and look damn fine doing so. Now please excuse me, I have to go to Nordstrom’s with my mom so she can buy a pair of Not Your Daughter’s jeans. I know, up is down, left is right, this is the new world order, etc.