If there's one rock we can cling to in this uncertain, stormy world—one immutable fact keeping us tethered to our humanity—it's that the Kardashians live in mansions like fish live in the sea. Except NAY! Even that analogy does not quite strike the heart of it! Because if you pull a fish from the sea, it does not cease to be a fish. But what is a Kardashian without a mansion? The universe shudders.

So it's a dark week for humanity when all three of the Kardashisisters are having house trouble. First, Kim and Kanye have abandoned their $11 million Bel Air dream mansion for a dreamier dream vineyard in Hidden Hills—purportedly because of paparazzi intrusion (but rumored to be because their planned remodel was so ludicrously extravagant and expensive that it would literally never be completed). Then, Khloe decided to put fucking Rob in charge of her renovations (!?), causing Kourtney to slam the place as "disgusting" and "cheesy"—a bit insult-to-injury, seeing as Khloe already has to live the foreseeable future in a house with a "Boom Boom Room" designed by her baby brother (IS THIS NOT PUNISHMENT ENOUGH?).

And now, Kourtney has accused Keyshawn Johnson of selling her a mold-infested garbage house, which he fraudulently covered with a coat of paint.

Via TMZ:

Kourtney Kardashian is crying cover-up ... claiming the house she bought from Keyshawn Johnson is infested with dangerous mold that was masked by a coat of paint ... sending her family fleeing for their safety.

We're told Kourtney's decorator found the mold when he installed some fixtures.

Kourtney and the kids checked into the Montage hotel in Bev Hills Monday. The photo agency didn't get Scott Disick ... but we're told he arrived later. The family just returned from the Hamptons and decided it was too dangerous to move back into the house — especially since Kourtney is pregnant.

Sources connected with Kourtney say she's on the attack ... ready to sue anyone who's responsible. She believes the fresh paint over what she claims is mold is the smoking gun.


People of earth. You know what this means, right? THE KARDASHIANS ARE BASICALLY HOMELESS. Woe betide us all.

Images via Splash News Online.