Miley Cyrus and Dane Cook Might Be Hooking Up and I Feel Like My Brain's on Fire

In the past few days, some of the smaller, less reputable celebrity gossip sites have reported that Miley Cyrus and Dane Cook—in a coupling straight out of the fiery pits of hell—have been “hooking up.” Well, bad news for people who don’t like furiously scowling at their computers—it looks like the rumors (if some of the slightly more reputable gossip sources are to be believed) might be true.

Via US Weekly:

Miley Cyrus has found a stand-up guy! A source reveals in the new issue of Us Weekly that the “Hands of Love” singer and comedian Dane Cook are “hooking up.”

The 22-year-old — who has said she likes “funny” men — and Jessica Simpson’s ex are longtime pals. In December 2013, they had an impromptu dance party at L.A. club The Woods. And this past March, when her then-love, Patrick Schwarzenegger, was snapped doing body shots off a bikini-clad girl on spring break, she regrammed a self-addressed post from Cook, 43, that read, “Don’t you ever let someone treat you like a yellow Starburst. You are a pink Starburst.” Sweet.

And Page Six:

Rumor has it that the latest bizarre celebrity paring is … Miley Cyrus and Dane Cook?

And my nightmares.

Cook has denied the pairing, telling E! News, “I’m always the last to know these things. Just let Miley know that I’ll pick her up for dinner at 8.”

>:(

Don’t bother asking Rihanna to appear on stage with Taylor Swift because she is NOT interested.

From her interview with NME:

Rihanna does not see herself joining the list of people to appear with Swift. Speaking to NME for the cover feature of the all-new free magazine, distributed in more than 500 locations on Friday, September 18, Rihanna says: “I don’t think I would. I just don’t think it makes sense.”

She continues: “I don’t think our brands are the same, I don’t think they match, I don’t think our audiences are the same. In my mind she’s a role model, I’m completely not.”

Nothing gets between Lena and her Calvins, except—perhaps—her own emotional sabotage.

Here’s Dakota Johnson doing a bunch of accents. [POPSUGAR]
Naomi Campbell freed her nipples only to have Instagram lock ‘em back up again. [ONTD]
Speaking of nipples: Kendall Jenner! [US Weekly]
Speaking of the Jenners, Kylie’s bodyguard “bodychecked” Jessica Alba. [US Weekly]
Jaden Smith’s girlfriend has a criminal record. [ONTD]
What are the chances that Xander was hit by Toth again and actually has a successful version of himself who’s out there living his best life? [US Weekly]
Not even Fantastic Four star Kate Mara has seen Fantastic Four. [The Wrap]