Midweek Madness Has Been Postponed

Illustration for article titled Midweek Madness Has Been Postponed

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Can we just pretend?

- Jennifer Aniston's empty womb sings sad country song! Unsurprisingly, it performs better than Country Strong.

- Angelina Jolie eats Brad Pitt's head after night of raucous lovemaking in front of the kinds!

- Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt not speaking to one another! (It is unknown if this has anything to do with Brad being headless.)

- Sarah Palin: VICTIM.

- Katie Holmes does everything wrong — please judge her!

- Pregnant starlet is soooooo fat! We photoshop her head onto Angelina's body, then claim Angelina did it.