Can you believe, after all of the terrible things that we've learned about the Girl Scouts being tiny minions of the evil Planned Parenthood, that Michelle Obama would have the audacity to allow these young militants into her sacred White House vegetable garden? The only possible explanation is that she, like them, is out to promote a terrifyingly radical agenda of friendship, healthy living, and spending time outside on a nice day. She must be stopped—but not before she makes us a salad from some of those delicious looking greens.