Michele Bachmann Hides In Her Car, Afraid Obama's Occupier Army Will Attack Her With Facts

Things got a little crazier than usual yesterday at Michele Bachmann’s campaign HQ in Iowa. A few dozen people associated with Occupy Iowa turned up to protest outside her offices, and, unwilling to face them, Bachmann did the political equivalent of hiding under the bed.

Because anything she doesn’t like must automatically be the work of Barack Obama’s socialist devil army, Bachmann gave her theory on where the protesters came from:

The people outside are President Obama’s re-election advance team. That’s what you’re seeing outside. What they recognize is that I’m the greatest threat to Barack Obama’s re-election and I intend to be.

Wow, considering you are currently dead last in the Iowa polls, if you are his greatest threat then he’s got no worries. Obama might as well shut down his whole hopey-changey-endless-fundraising-emails-with-oddly-personal-subject-lines operation because he has got this thing locked, like I mean the greatest landslide in American history locked.

Bachmann was supposed to be driven up to her office in her big black pickup truck—what a patriotic way to make an entrance! But then she got scared when she heard there were people who didn’t like her (gasp!); so she pulled the truck into a nearby parking lot to hide and wait the mean hippies out. She was probably afraid one of them would touch her and infect her with a sense of empathy. When ABC News asked her why she had changed her entrance plan, she said, “We’re getting ready to go. They’re trying to get everyone assembled. We’ll be there in about a minute.” But then she tried to ditch the reporters and ended up going into her office through the back door, safe from any of the protesters, eighteen of whom were arrested for trespassing, including two teenagers (one is thought to be a 14-year-old girl).

At this point, Michele Bachmann should probably be flattered that anyone even considers her relevant enough to still warrant a protest. (Though the Occupiers also protested Perry and Gingrich, so relevance may not be driving their decisions…) But, if she can just make it through this race and get elected, as she seems so very confident she can, then she’ll be the President of the United States, and she’ll finally be free from any unpleasant dissent—because everybody knows nobody ever, ever hates the president!

Occupy Protesters Arrested Outside Michele Bachmann Iowa Headquarters [ABC News]
18 arrested in Occupy protests at Iowa campaign offices of Bachmann, Gingrich, Santorum [Washington Post]