Michael Lohan Says He'll "Remarry" Lindsay; Jesse & Friend Attack Paparazzo With Knife

• In an interview Michael Lohan responded to Lindsay Lohan calling him her “ex-father” on Twitter saying, “maybe she’s divorcing me today, but she’ll remarry me once she gets her life back.”

As mentioned in Tweet Beat, this morning Lindsay Lohan wrote about her father “verbally/literally” hurting her mother and siblings, then posted her “Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)” music video saying, “that was for my ex-father.” Later today, Michael told X17 he could prove Lindsay’s accusations are wrong but, “It would involve recordings and text messages that I have and I don’t want to do that. Obviously she realizes that I’m serious about getting her into rehab. She’s beginning to panic because I’ve been contacting people around her, as well as attorneys of my own, to take measures to get her the help she needs.” [OK, x17]

• A few days ago, Jesse James and paparazzo Ulises Rios put each other under citizen’s arrest. Now Rios has released video from the incident in which Jesse James is shown pulling his motorcycle in front of Rios’ car, then screaming at Rios and sticking his hands inside the car while a friend hits the car with a knife. Rios reported the incident and claims three of his tires were slashed. [LAT]
• Jesse James‘ mistress Brigitte Daguerre was in a documentary years ago, in which she revealed that she’s a dominatrix and men pay to be her “slave.” [Radar]
• Famous Rabbi Marvin Hier states the obvious about Jesse James Nazi photo: “To poke fun, giving the sieg heil, and wearing the Nazi uniform is desecrating and beneath contempt.” [TMZ]
• Apparently Sandra Bullock and George Lopez are close friends. He reports, “I went to her house the other day after the Kids’ Choice Awards and I saw her and sat with her for a few minutes. She’s great. We love her. We’re all on her side.” [Radar]
• Sandra Bullock‘s sister Gesine Bullock-Prado is restarting her baking business. She wrote on her blog, “It’s a commercial operation aimed at shipping you treats via snail mail.” [Star]
• Tiger Woods 15th mistress says more women are about to come forward. It’s a little late, isn’t it? [Radar]
• In court today Heather Mills said she had a falling out with her former nanny when she refused to pay for her boob job. Mills said, “I had a breast reduction when I was 21 and I couldn’t pick anything up for weeks because it was so painful. I didn’t criticise her wanting to have a breast enlargement, I just felt it would have been wrong of me to help with something that could have been a reaction to her boyfriend or her hormones.” Then the nanny’s lawyer accused her of lying to “intimidate and bully and belittle her.” [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse was reportedly paid $84,000 when “Rehab” was used on Glee, more than any other artist. “Amy was chuffed. She loves the show and watches religiously,” says a source. “She is also well aware of how popular Glee makes tracks, and is thrilled to be re-entering the charts.” [Mirror]
• As an April Fool’s joke, Coldplay announced they were releasing an “exclusive fragrance” called Angst. [Mirror]
• Here’s a better April Fool’s joke: Joel McHale took over Ryan Seacrest‘s website, posting his photo all over the site instead of Ryan’s. [RyanSeacrest.com]
• As mentioned in Midweek Madness, Taylor Swift has a “two-man plan” because she’s dating Cory Monteith, but she had lunch with Taylor Lautner… and their moms. [Star]
• Looks like WeGiveADamn.org’s PSA was successful — so many people visited the site after hearing that Anna Paquin reveals she’s bisexual in the ad that the site crashed. [Radar]
• An anonymous New York Post critic sniped that Jennifer Aniston, “just can’t play the good friend anymore. She’s aged out, no matter the yoga and the highlights. She just can’t do America’s sweetheart next door. She needs a big wake-up call.” The critic added that her, “taste in men” is “totally off…She’s missing a common-sense gene.” [Us]
• Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato have broken up, but a source says, “it’s evident to everyone that they will always have a super strong connection.” [People]
• Aaron Carter is engaged to 19-year-old Maile Hochuli. We wish them the best, but the odds are against them: They only started dating a few months ago, he was previously engaged to Celebrity Rehab star Kari Ann Peniche, and he proposed in a movie theater during Alice in Wonderland. [Star]
• There’s a Facebook petition to add Michael Jackson‘s name back onto an elementary school auditorium in L.A. MJ donated the money for the auditorium, but his name was removed during the child molestation investigation. [AP]
• Dr. Conrad Murray filed legal papers today asking a judge not to take away his medical license because he needs it to pay his legal fees. Murray’s lawyer said he was in financial trouble before Michael Jackson‘s death, but he’s now, “without fear of overstatement, hanging on by a thread.” [TMZ]
• Dr. Arnold Klein is selling his 2004 Chevrolet SSR on eBay. He says Michael Jackson loved driving it to the house where Willard was filmed. [TMZ]
• Anthony Hopkins is considering suing the New York Daily News for claiming he’s constantly criticizing Chris Hemsworth‘s acting on the set of Thor. [Contact Music]
• Victoria Hopper wrote a short editorial for The Huffington Post in which she said, “I fear the latest round of sensational allegations, notably a tragically bizarre one made by Dennis’ assistant, will not be the last one. It’s textbook behavior when someone leaves an abusive relationship for the abuser to attempt to personally destroy the one who left, and I fully expect it to continue… I look forward to my day in court on Monday when these allegations and, importantly, the financial strategy behind them, will begin to be exposed for the world to see.” [HuffPo]
• John Malkovich, who was a client of Bernie Madoff, is trying to recover $2.23 million from the liquidation of Madoff’s securities firm. [Reuters]
• In an interview about Wall Street, Michael Douglas said he used to invest in the stock market but, “I lost 35 to 40 per cent of my net worth on the 2008 crash… At the end of last year, I took a whole bunch out.” [The Sun]
• Erykah Badu defended her video for “Window Seat,” in which she reenacts the JFK assassination in the nude, to the Dallas Morning News saying it’s, “a protest… about liberating yourself. I tied it in a way that compared the [JFK] assassination to the character assassination one would go through after showing his or her self completely. That’s exactly the action I wanted to display.” [Access Hollywood]
• Today on the CBS Early Show, Alice Cooper was asked to comment on Erykah Badu‘s video. “I never used nudity in my show. I always thought it was too easy. That’s an easy way to shock,” he said. “But I can see what she was going for. I don’t know if it’s — if it was sexually oriented, I think I might have more of a problem with it. If it was more pornographic like that. But, I mean, if you go to the Louvre, all of art is based on naked women. I mean, I don’t think it’s anything new to see a naked woman. On the street, it is a different thing.” [CBS News]
• Carnie Wilson fainted while filming The Newlywed Game, according to a source who reports, “In the middle of the show, Carnie went white and began to sway. Her speech was garbed.” The National Equirer says Wilson claims medication she’s taking for a cyst on her neck made her dizzy, but producers think it’s because she’s “dangerously obese.” [Contact]
• Carnie Wilson‘s rep says she didn’t faint, but “did briefly become lightheaded while taping The Newlywed Game. Carnie took a 10-minute break, then finished taping the show. Paramedics were not called to the set that day, but GSN did provide a medic on-set the following Monday as a purely precautionary measure. [People]
• Pete Doherty spit beer at British reporter Minnie Stephenson during a live interview. [The Star]
• Kevin Bacon has an 18-year-old daughter, and sometimes they argue about stuff. Enthralling. [People]
• Toni Collette says on The United States of Tara, “I want the audience to be able to invest in each of the alter [egos] and believe them wholeheartedly. So I try to make them as complex and real and as whole as possible. [NPR]
• Justin Chambers says of TV wife Katherine Heigl leaving Grey’s Anatomy, “Katherine is very much loved. She’s a huge part of the show’s success. She’s always in our hearts and Izzy will always be a huge benefactor to the show.” [ET]
• In the book My First New York: Early Adventures in the Big City, Parker Posey says, “When I was on a soap opera, there was a homeless man in Chelsea who I would see like every night. And I don’t know how he did this, but he watched me on the soap-I always wondered how he saw me at 2:00 on CBS. He called me Soap Opera. If you keep the ball in the air, you’re making stories with everyone you meet. People make characters of themselves.” [Daily Front Row]
• “I think people have an idea of me, but really I’m the best I’ve ever been,” says Joel Madden. “I have two kids that are my life – they’re my entire world. I have an awesome partner who is really supportive. She makes me the best version of myself that I’ve ever been.” [LAT]
• A source says now that Kate Gosselin is on DWTS, “Kate and [dance partner] Tony [Davoloni] probably spend more time together than she sees her children,” so Jon Gosselin is picking up the slack. “Jon has long visits every other weekend, but he is nearby and around to visit the kids if he is needed. They are co-parenting a little more,” the source said. [Fox News]
• Emma Thompson on how she created a family atmosphere on the set of Nanny McPhee: “We saw people [socially] – Maggie Gyllenhaal in particular, who’d come over with her family, her little daughter and her husband, you know, Sunday lunches and all of that. That’s very much a part of the way I work, especially when people have come a long way to serve a story, you know, you’ve got to look after them and a home-cooked meal is the best way of doing that. I didn’t have the crew over, because I haven’t got room in my house for 150 people, but God knows that I would do if I did!” [Mirror]
• Just so you know, Samantha Fox is, “Willing to try anything as long as it’s humanely killed so I wouldn’t eat foie gras or veal. Of course I did eat a rat when I was taking part in I’m A Celebrity last year but in our defence we were starving. The only thing I don’t like is Brussels sprouts. I used to hide them in plant pots when I was a child.” [Daily Express]
• Susan Sarandon compares being single to hang gliding: “I did a movie a long time ago where I had to fly a glider. You get towed up in the air by a plane, and it’s loud and annoying. And at some point you pull the cord and you’re suddenly floating, and in your mind it makes absolutely no sense. But it’s exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. That’s where I am now.” [Daily Express]
• When asked if she’ll impersonate Sarah Palin again, Tina Fey said, “I haven’t been watching her on television lately because I’ve been working on 30 Rock, but I’m doing another Saturday Night Live next month and I’m sure we’ll be trying to write something about her.” [Telegraph]