Michael Douglas has revealed that he didn't actually have stage four throat cancer, as reported in 2010 (and which he blamed on cunnilingizing Catherine Zeta-Jones too hard)—he had extremely dangerous tongue cancer instead. But he didn't tell anyone because it would have been bad PR. But he's fine now.
"This was right before I had a big tour forWall Street, so we kind of said, 'There's no way we can cancel the tour and say we don't feel well,'" Douglas admitted. "I said, 'You've just got to come out and just tell them I've got cancer and that's it.'"
His doctor, who'd found a walnut-size tumor at the base of Douglas's tongue, warned the actor that he might not want to reveal that he had a disease with such a negative prognosis on the eve of a massive press tour.
"The surgeon said, 'Let's just say it's throat cancer,'" the Last Vegas star reveals, explaining that the doctor told him that if they had to do surgery for tongue cancer "it's not going to be pretty," and that Douglas faced losing part of his jaw and tongue."
None of my business what kind of cancer he has, and no sweat off my back what kind of cancer he says he has, but it sucks that anyone has to be pressured like that. Glad you're feeling better, M-Doug, and best wishes. [People]
I KNOW I MIGHT BE LATE HERE, BUT THIS LARRY KING STARBUCKS DRAKE HANDS MEME IS THE BEST THING*
*If that sounds like gibberish, just click through and read the link and it'll make sense. [People]
Joe Jonas has been hanging around with an "addiction specialist." Not sure why he'd pick this guy and not Seth Jaffe, but yokay. [TMZ]
Kris Humphries is selling Kim Kardashian's engagement ring for one half of a mil. [E!]
It costs less than Orlando Bloom's house, which you can also buy. [E!]
Meanwhile, I continue to fucking love Kim's blonde hair. [JustJared]
Owen Wilson is having another baybay and he's just super-jazzed. [People]
Miley Cyrus talked to Ellen about her broken engagement, and was pretty cute about it tbh:
Ellen said to Cyrus "So the last time you were here [in November 2012], I threw you an engagement party", The 20 year-old replied, "Do you want your money back?"
"I want my money back", Ellen joked, "I sent you, like, [strippers]. You enjoyed it."
"I should of kept one of those dudes' numbers," Cyrus retorted.
UGH, "SHOULD OF." I'M GOING TO BE [SIC]. [ContactMusic]
Kumar Pallana (aka Pagoda from Royal Tenenbaums, Mr. Littlejeans from Rushmore, etc.) has died at age 94. [Us]
I don't get the snark here. Christina Hendricks looks like a fucking magnificent Narnian wildmage. [E!]
Let's just do nothing but Neil Diamond videos in this space for the next 800 days. 'Kay? Glad we're on the same page.
Images via Getty.