In today's New York Observer, writer, creative director of Barneys and noted New York wit Simon Doonan dares to write about a phenomenon we all know about but dare not speak of: Men who look like old lesbians. He professes his love for the Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians web site, where one can see horrifyingly fitting pictures of Ric Ocasek, Steven Tyler, and (wince!) Wayne Newton. Simon Doonan blames the eyelift, but we're not entirely sure what the problem is, especially when faced with an image of Bruce Jenner. Still, Doonan's point is that while there's nothing wrong with looking "as if you are riding a one-way ticket to the end of the line and the last stop is the Dinah Shore Weekend," the "Muffia," as the lesbian power club is known, is strong enough without recruiting any of these guys.

Doonan notes that while being a gay man is still a struggle, gay women are making strides: "There are no male equivalents to Ellen or The L-Word. Last Oscar night saw gay women openly chewing up the red carpet while gay men were all but invisible." So yeah, it's tough to be a gay man. But now we're obsessed with dudes who look like dykes. Tony Curtis! Clay Aiken! Phil Spector! Chris Cooper! And, whoa, Wes Anderson. So here's a question: If you're attracted to a man (coughDenisLearycough) who looks like a woman who likes women, what does that make you?

Hey, Middle-Aged Men! Think Twice About That Eye Lift, Lest You Resemble Power Lesbians [NY Observer]