I am charmed by Meghan Markle. I was one of those people who couldn’t care less about the royal family and then she came along, with her beautiful smile, Everlane tote bags, and iconic Suits role on her resumé, and I was like, ugh, fine, I like you. I like you, Duchess of Sussex! But there’s just one thing: Meghan Markle keeps, sort of, ruining my birthday.

Let me start with the fact that my birthday is May 17 (yes I’m a Taurus, can’t you tell by my commenting style?) which was incidentally the same weekend as Markle’s wedding to Prince Harry (May 19, 2018.) Could I have a big blow-out party to celebrate my birth??? NO! Everyone was too busy talking about *dabs at my eyes with an elaborately embroidered silk handkerchief* the royal wedding.

But what’s done is done! And I’m happy to have my birthday to myself and no other living person potentially born the same day (do they exist, I don’t know) next year...or so I thought. I was reading a slight conspiracy theory from People that Markle’s stacked rings might indicate the birth month of her baby. The article noted that Markle was wearing a blue sapphire perhaps for September (Harry’s birth month), a green peridot stone for August (her birth month), and a diamond ostensibly for April, the baby’s birth month.

But I squinted and saw that Meghan was most definitely wearing an emerald ring which, if interpreted as a birth stone, would correspond to May. And then I realized that April isn’t far from May...my birth month. We don’t know how far along Markle is in her pregnancy, but we know she’s expecting a spring baby...spring as in, possibly my birthday weekend. God, Markle strikes again.

Granted even if I hate sharing the spotlight with gorgeous Meghan Markle and her assumedly, equally gorgeous baby, I still really want a baby Taurus in the house to terrorize the royal family.