Bad news. Chances are that you have a demon inside of you. I know you thought that you were an autonomous being making your decisions through either reasoning or impulse, but you are wrong. There is a bit of the devil inside you and he controls everything you do apart from wearing pastels and reading The Family Circus in Sunday's paper. Luckily, Pastor Bob Larson and his exorcist team of teenage girls โ€” "normal girls who do something extraordinary for God" โ€” can help you for a fee.

Brynne (daughter of Larson), Savannah and Tess probably look like the girls who were shitty to you in high school (though Savannah was alright that one time you ran into her at the Gap and she was with her mom), but it turns out that they are also pretty good at bullying demons and banding together to form the perfect reality TV package. They are currently shopping around a show that will document their lives, but don't you dare imply that they're exploiting people who are at best simple and at worst mentally ill: To Good Morning America reporter Dan Harris, Pastor Larson says, "You're paid handsomely. So is anybody who has a responsible position in the public eye. And we have to fund what we do."


Well, that clears that up then. They are not exploiting anyone; they just need tons of money to buy โ€” what โ€” really expensive bibles? Holy water with flecks of real gold in it? Stop it. That's the demon in you asking questions. Pastor Larson and his girl gang come off as really trustworthy and chill, so we should all just have some faith and maybe go in on an exorcism together.

Meet the Charlie's Angels of Exorcism (and Probably Fraud)
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Teen Girl Exorcism Squad: Three Arizona Girls Claim to Cast Out Demons [GMA]