Men's Health rates the "Worst Foods In America" this month, accompanied by all these disgust-porn photos of the types of meals that seem like a really good idea when you're drunk. And guess who comes out a winner? That's right, my very favorite restaurant chain, McDonald's. Well, actually, Chick-fil-A was the big winner, as none of their entrees contains more than 500 calories, but don't they fund terrorism or somesuch? I don't know, you guys can Google that shit for me, but seriously, reading this story you will learn all sorts of pro-McDonald's factoids such as for the calories of a Bob Evans Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed Hotcakes platter you could eat five Egg McMuffins, and still have calories left over for a latte. Of the Chili's Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream, the magazine says:

Would you eat a Big Mac for dessert? How about three??

The only McDonald's food that made it onto the list was #20, the Chicken Selects Premium Breast strips (5 pieces) with creamy ranch sauce. But seriously, who actually orders that? It's nowhere near the dollar menu. Meanwhile, if you stick w. the old-fashioned McNuggets, you're actually having fewer calories, nugget for nugget, than you are with those Boca Chik'N Nuggets you can buy at Whole Foods for approximately $7.99 a box, the entire contents of which you will probably eat before breakfast if your hangovers are anything like mine.


Anyway, I'm not saying I don't loathe the fast food industry, the fucked up American food supply, the antibiotics in the cows, the hormones in the chickens, the illegal immigrant labor keeping all of it afloat. I do. Really, a lot. But I do love the knowledge that when Anna replaces me with some automated outrage robot programmed in Estonia I will be able to afford a delicious cheeseburger and a small bag of fries for less than two dollars while all those rich people downing 2,100 calorie On The Border Dos XX Fish Tacos totally get fat.