Do you think you know how to feud with someone? You don't know shit.
Martha Stewart knows. She knows how to feud better than she knows how to properly bake a souffle. Things have been not-so-friendly between the Queen of Living and Gwyneth Paltrow ever since Stewart wrinkled her nose at Goop and the "movie star" trying to steal her thunder. Whatever, said Paltrow, I'm taking your former CEO. Have a scone and shut the fuck up.
But Stewart is having none of it. In the new issue of Martha Stewart Living, the magazine makes a not-subtle-at-all jab at Paltrow's "conscious uncoupling" statement about her split from Coldplay's Chris Martin. Here's how the article, which is all about good food pairings (oh Martha) starts, via Salon:
Every Thanksgiving table should be blessed with the presence of a long-married pair who bring out the best in each other, are completely enamored despite their differences, and leave every other guest thinking, I'll have what they're having. Our holiday pies honor such so there's a pleasant mix of textures and flavors in every bite. No matter how you slice partnerships, each spotlighting the perfect marriage of crust and filling these six irresistible desserts, there is a whole lot to love.
I'll have what you're having too, Martha.
Ariana Grande confirmed she is dating Big Sean. In the version of her life I created in my mind, her ponytail actually comes to life and turns into a handsome prince. They fall madly in love and he whisks her off to become queen of Hairlandia. No, I do not spend my days making up fantasy worlds ruled by celebrity hairstyles. [Telegraph]
Amal Alamuddin officially changed her name to Amal Clooney. Hopefully this means my mother will finally stop addressing correspondence to me as "Rebecca Clooney" followed by wink signs and "fingers crossed!" [ABC News]
Instead of reading this story about Dina Lohan appearing on Millionaire Matchmaker with Patti Stranger, slowly back away from your computer. Walk over to your television and set the goddamn thing on fire. I see no other option. [Radar]
Reese Witherspoon offered more insight into what the hell she was thinking during her 2013 disorderly conduct arrest and said this: "I showed I have a complexity that people didn't know about." [HuffPo]
Here is the celebrity couple you will spend the next six months of your life obsessing about: Kat Dennings and Josh Groban are a couple. They are reportedly "having a lot of fun." [US Weekly]
Katie Holmes gives no fucks about people who didn't like her as Jackie O. So much so that she's playing the role again. This is how you take the haters to school. [USA Today]
Mrs. Clooney, here is your husband on The Merv Griffin in 1985. Merv called him a "fine actor." Merv knew. He always knew.
Image via Getty.