Marco Rubio Is Super Sorry for Implying Donald Trump Has a Tiny Penis

The American public has yet again been reminded why the GOP primary resembles a literal fight of the tummy sticks after Marco “Automaton” Rubio apologized on air for insinuating that Donald Trump, a human/Komodo dragon hybrid, has a tiny dick.


In an interview with CNN’s Jake Tapper on May 29, Rubio expressed regret for remarks the soon-to-be former Florida senator made back in February, in which he joked that you “can’t trust” men with small hands, all the while alluding to his then-opponent.

Trump later addressed Rubio’s comments during a presidential debate in a moment we all now wish never happened, implying the opposite. (It’s okay if you just shuddered in disgust; I did the same while writing this article.)

During the CNN segment, Rubio confessed that he felt his joke was not representative of his integrity or his character.

“It embarrassed my family. It’s not who I am,” he told Tapper. “What I didn’t realize was it isn’t who I am and if you’re not being who you are it doesn’t come across well.”

Rubio also stated that his decision to crack wise was made in a time of desperation—especially since none of his other electoral strategies seemed to be working.

“This guy is out there every day mocking people, saying horrible things about people, but if you respond to him somehow you are hitting below the belt?” Rubio said of the situation. “And he can do that because of whatever reason, he can do that. But I couldn’t do that.”


“It isn’t who I am, it isn’t what I do, and by doing that I ended up hurting myself, not him,” he added.

Update (1:47 a.m. EST): This article originally stated that Marco Rubio is a governor. He is a senator.


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Contributor, Jezebel


Still Cat from MA

The Donald as a Komodo dragon hybrid? Nope, can’t see it. The dragons are impressive beasts who make their own way and do not stick ridiculous orange poufs on their heads. Have been loving the other Trump descriptors here though, so the momentary lapse is forgiven.

It will be a while before Rubio’s reputation can recover from Trump’s “Little Marco” jibe. And now he is apologizing and sucking up. Not a robot, a skeevy little rodent out for what he can scavenge.