Wow. Wowowowow. We are officially done with Round 1 of March Madness, my fellow sports fanatics, and what a round it was!

We've had to say goodbye to some ameeezeeen teams, like OKCupid Messages That Are Like "Hey U R beautiful" and Popping Your Own Zits. We've also had some CRAZY CLOSE CALLS—Grocery Shopping When You're Hungry barely edged out over Redecorating with 56% of the vote, while Watching a Crying Drunk Girl Yell At Her Boyfriend squeaked by with a 52% majority in its nail-biting match against Ignoring Phone Calls. But the tightest face-off came down to Filthy Fanfiction vs. Muting People, with 51% and 49% of the vote, respectively. Turns out that for the Jezebel reader, freaky sex vibes just barely win out over being annoyed.

Please raise your glass for the friends we're leaving behind :(

Moving on to Round 2, the round that will determine the sweet sixteen! Here is your updated bracket:

First up, from the Internet Social Division:

Holy smokes, thundering onto the court are two Internet institutions, Gchat (1) vs. Memes (9). Next up, another tight match: Skype Sex (5) vs. Twitter Fights Between Other People (4). Which guilty ~*pleasure*~ will prevail? After that, it's Throwback Thursday (6) vs. Surprise Albums (3), followed by (gulp) Eggplant Friday (7) vs. Emojis (2). Noooooooo, this is so confusing and emotional, the BULGE or the INSPO BEHIND THE BULGE?!?

The vote is yours:

Next, from the Internet Antisocial Division:

Man oh man, someone put me out of my misery, it's Netflix (1) vs. Staying Up Late Watching Cat Videos (9). A TOSS-UP THE LIKES OF WHICH THIS WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN. Next, Unsubscribing (12) vs. Seamless (4), followed by Online Shopping When You're Hungover (6) vs. Internet Stalking Potential Dates (3). WHO KNEW SO MANY REGRETTABLE DECISIONS COULD HAPPEN WHILE LYING ALONE IN BED? Lastly, we have Filthy Fanfiction (10) vs. Free Porn (2), which is just such a fucking dilemma, pardon my language, folks! Is today the day we say goodbye to xX~Jacob & Edward: A Raging Fire & Ice Bone-nanza~Xx?

I'll leave this decision in your capable hands:

IT'S HALFTIME, PEOPLE! I think we all know what that means:

Aaaand we're back! Moving on to some excellent matches in the IRL Social Division:


Whoa, first up it's Sex (1) vs. Facial Expressions (8), and really, unless you're Brandi Glanville, how could one exist without the other? God, these are so hard, I feel so bad for you guys: Making Out at a Bar (5) vs. Restaurants (4) is next, immediately followed by Doctors (11) vs. Makeup (3). WE NEED ALL OF THESE THINGS, THOUGH, SO. IDK. Finally, we have IMAX (10) vs. Attending Other People's Weddings (2). Things are starting to get real.

You know what to do:

It's the end of the road for Round 2, people! We are now entering our last grouping, the IRL Antisocial Division:


Binge Watching (1) vs. Grocery Shopping When You're Hungry (9) is first, so what'll it be? Wasting money, or wasting brain cells? Next, we have Romance Novels (5) vs. Libraries (4), a serious toughie, followed by Old Photo Albums (6) vs. Being a Cat Lady (3). All four smell vaguely musty, and make me kind of sad! Finally finally finally, we have our last game of the day: Watching a Crying Drunk Girl Yell At Her Boyfriend (7) vs. Canceling Plans At the Last Minute (2). Do you like feeling satisfied? Do you hate other people? THEN GOOD LUCK, THIS WILL BE LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE.

Chin up, folks, it's time to cast your ballot:

You have 24 hours to vote!

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