Hello, and welcome to the second day of Jezebel’s March Madness 2016. Today we’re just going to tackle some more of Reality TV’s Round 1; tomorrow, we’ll finish the rest of it.
From the Reality TV Business category, we have:
Judge Judy (8) vs. Face Off (9). Will the richest woman on TV (who also happens to have been on Court TV the longest) take the cake over this newbie sensation, which pits special effects make-up artists against one another? It’s a battle of the olds vs. the news. Next up is America’s Next Top Model (5), the show that will never die, vs. Excessive High-Def Makeup (12), the thing that makes every single show live. Later, Faking An Illness (4), which has become an integral part of apparently every piece of Bravo programming, goes head-to-head with Three Part Reunion Episodes (13), which... same.
Moving on, we’ve got two shows where people lose weight, one featuring people who were once celebrities and one featuring people who will become People magazine celebrities, albeit briefly: Dancing with the Stars (6) vs. The Biggest Loser (11). E!’s Botched (3), the product of several plastic surgeons-turned-reality-television-sensations, goes up against Group Trips To Dubai (14), because Sex and the City’s influence will never leave us. Next, we’ve got two shows about getting that paper: Shark Tank (7) vs. The Apprentice (10). And lastly, there’s Teen Mom (2), the ultimate form of contraception, versus Top Chef (15), a program that has, improbably, resulted in bettering the careers of its contestants.
And from the Reality TV Casual category:
Bravo’s influence continues to be felt with Dinner Parties From Hell (8) vs. Miniature Ponies in Your Backyard (9). Next up we have Married at First Sight (5), a show that started off semi-honorably and has devolved into bad news bears, vs. Jersey Shore (12), a show that was never honorable and yet left an indelible mark on our culture. After that, see No Contact With The Outside World (4) do battle with Professional Matchmakers (13). Will Stockholm Syndrome beat people like Patti Stanger?
The behemoth that is Keeping Up With the Kardashians (6) will go face-to-face with sleeper cell hit Love & Hip-Hop (11). The general conceit of Not Being Here To Make Friends (3) tries to win out over the horror that is Sister Wives (14). We’ll never forget Pretty Wild (7) and The Bling Ring, but does that mean it’s done more for the world than the allegedly informative mess that is Celebrity Rehab (10)? And finally, finally, see Dating Naked (2), a show about people who meet for the first time naked and have to go on a date, attempt to beat the age-old Being Upset About What Cast Members Said About You On Twitter (15).
Which one has influenced us the most? Which one was the most inevitable? Which can you not imagine a world without? Here’s your full bracket, for reference.
You have 24 hours to vote.; use it wisely.
Illustration by Jim Cooke.