Marc Jacobs Fall 2009: Relax, Don't Do It

On the Marc Jacobs runway last night, the year was 1984: Aggressive shoulders, bold neon colors, Flock of Seagulls hair and sunglasses at night. This is what it sounds like when doves cry.

This dinner-napkin-tucked-into-the-belt thing — like Jennifer Hudson at the Grammys — needs to go away, ASAP.

Subtle, for daytime!

Palpatine, the Emperor of the Galactic Empire, needed something to wear to brunch; Marc Jacobs was happy to oblige.

I remember this hair because the older girls in the Benetton sweaters had it when I was in 6th grade. It wasn’t good then and it isn’t good now.

The square shoulders are appalling, but the little bubble skirt is appealing. What to do?

A feat of epic proportions.

Starlets may end up digging this little polka-dot coat, but I think it’s just too too, if you know what I mean.

LOL. Where is she going?

More giant shoulders. That’s like, a reworked Champion sweatshirt, right?

Love the neckline and the hue, don’t love what it will do to non-moddle hips. But expect to see this one on the red carpet momentarily.

Gawd, what a mindfuck. Broken-down bandage dress! Do you love it or hate it? Is it funny? Is it chic? Is it vaginal?

Red riding hood redux.

I wish I could just make you turn around… turn around and see me cry! There’s so much I need to say to you, so many reasons why. You’re the only one who really knew me at all… So take a look at me now.