We've discussed at-home births, water births and even birth of the dolphin-assisted variety, and I suspect those of you who thought those unconventional births were gross will be similarly repelled by the article in today's New York Times which follows some local ladies as they spawn in inflatable tubs in their apartments. It's graphic! Those of you who are into this sort of thing will think the article is a beautiful expression of the miracle of life. However, I want to make note of two things. One is the look on the face of the woman in the striped shirt in the picture at left. Let's zoom in on that, shall we?


This is the face that you get when you watch your sister's vagina go whoosh. The other thing that stuck out to me from the article is the attitude of one Park Slope mom who opted for an at-home, midwife attended water birth. She realized that the caterwauling from her apartment would inconvenience her neighbors, and so she says, "I kept them apprised, and when it was coming near to the date, I put a note on their doors that said, 'Any day now, if you have a sleepless night because of my screaming, I apologize.'" And here's the thing. Maybe I'm a bitch but I would SO not be okay with this. Well, you might say, after the baby is born, it's going to cry a lot. Are you going to be mad about that? Of course not, because a baby cannot control its crying. A grown ass woman, however, can control where she gives birth. One of the women featured in the article was in labor for FORTY HOURS. I think it's asking a lot from the people who live in very close proximity to you to be tolerant of your screaming for almost two days straight. Or how about this: if you choose to give birth at home in the apartment above mine, you have to accept my choice to leave a steaming bag of dog poo in your mailbox. Baby, You’re Home [NY Times] Earlier: Reviewers Take Wild Ride Through Ricki Lake's Awesome Vagina In The Business Of Being Born Penn & Teller Call Bullshit on Dolphin Assisted Birth