Man Will Give $100 If You Help Him Successfully Stalk This One Lady

Seven months ago, at a Subway restaurant in downtown Brooklyn, a 57-year-old Queens man met a woman who enraptured him. He didn’t get her phone number. He didn’t get her name. He did get an incredibly awkward selfie with her. And now, he’s plastered that selfie all over the neighborhood, offering a $100 reward for anyone who can help him find her in time for Valentine’s Day.

According to NYDN, the man has been canvassing the neighborhood in search of the woman since last summer, but he hasn’t run into her since. The text of his IRL Missed Connection ad reads (all caps are [sic]), “I LOST A MERMAID IN DOWNTOWN Brooklyn. Should YOU REUNITE US FOR VALENTINE’S DAY 2014 & You COLLECT A $100 REWARD.”

Here’s more from NYDN,

The missed connection, according to Drice, began one summer afternoon last year while the younger woman was eating with a girlfriend at a Subway on Jay St. near Fulton Mall.

“She had those looks,” recalled Drice, still smitten. “Her whole demeanor was so fluid. Her tone of voice. Everything about her gave me an idea of a mermaid in my head.”

Let this be sobering warning against wearing a seashell bra to a Subway. Let this also be a warning to men that acting like a romcom guy IRL is actually more creepy than cute.

I’m sure this guy thinks he’s being incredibly romantic, but this crosses the line into straight up squicky shit. We live in an age of technology. If people want to be found, they’ll make damn sure they’re found via romantic flashmob.