Man Threatens Girlfriend With Gun, Shoots Self in Da Butt Instead

Johnathan William Hartman allegedly put his pistol in his girlfriend’s mouth and threatened to kill her during an argument about his impending prison sentence. He fired a couple shots, put his gun in his pants, and bang! Instant extra butthole.

Apparently, Hartman—a 27-year-old specimen of classic boyfriend material hailing from beautiful Billings, Montana—had just gotten some whiskey at a casino to drink ‘n’ drive with when the argument with his girlfriend started. He allegedly started shooting at her and then made his threat, but fortunately changed his mind. Then he stuck his pistol in his pants and started driving erratically enough that the gun went off, causing a critical case of Bullet Butt. Hartman had to go to the hospital, and got treatment plus a trip to the pokey (hate when that happens).

The Billings Gazette reports that Hartman already has four felony convictions and a pending case for writing bad checks (at least he’s exciting). Now he’s got either a felony assault with a weapon charge or a bunch of charges to look forward to, depending on who’s reporting. Whatever, he’s probably going to be behind bars for a while.

Special note to the girlfriend of Ol’ Gunpants: Yeah, Billings ain’t big. But still, you can do better than this. If the hometown pickings are too slim, try Helena or something.