Man Sucks Unwilling Woman's Toes in Wal-Mart

It was like a bizarro scene from Sex and the City, except, unlike Charlotte, Erika Porras didn’t get new shoes out of the experience.

In Lincolnton, North Carolina, Porras says she went shopping at Wal-Mart and met Michael Brown, who claimed he was a sales associate studying podiatry. The two chatted and he talked her into trying on a few pairs of shoes in the superstore’s shoe section.

Fine.

But then, like that foot fetishist who gave Charlotte free shoes if she just … wore them for awhile, Brown began to suck on Porras’ toes, she told NBC news. Porras was horrified and then Brown offered to buy her groceries if she didn’t tell anyone. It was a Super Wal-Mart after all.

Obviously, Brown was arrested last night and charged with misdemeanor assault, police say he is a registered sex offender. I can’t even.