A 69-year-old California hiker claims that he was just hanging out in the forest, minding his own business, when he was attacked on the head by an angry maneating lion. But! Just as the cold certainty of impending lion-death engulfed him, the man was miraculously rescued. BY A BEAR.

Relevant! To! My! Interests!!!

"I had a rock in my right hand, and I come around and swing and hit him in the side of the head, and it made a big screeching sound. And I come back to swing again, and I come around, and just about half way there, I see this dark figure grabbing the neck of the mountain lion and tearing it down the ground behind me," recalled Biggs.

The mother bear then entered the fray, and after a few minutes the bear and mountain lion went their own way, he said.

Okay. So, the California Department of Fish and Killjoys isn't having it, calling the whole story "unsubstantiated." Boooooooooo. Those dudes are obviously just jealous, because they don't have an awesome magic bear sidekick watching their backs at all times!

I put in a call to the California Department of Witchcraft and Wizardry, who issued this statement: "This bear is obviously Mr. Biggs's long-lost wife who was transformed by a witch. We will be launching a full investigation into the location the three golden acorns that must be placed in the beak of the enchanted nightingale of Fresno in order to reverse the transformation. No further comments." Best of luck to Mr. Biggs, who will surely face many perils.


(C) olira / Stockfresh.