Male Grad Student Pretty Sure Female Colleagues Are 'Paranoid B-Words'

Life is hard for the male grad student whose heartfelt cry you’re about to read. That’s because somehow — and he has no idea how this could be happening — he’s always offending his female colleagues, who seem to think he’s some kind of sexist douche.

A tipster sent us the Crybaby’s recent Facebook post, wherein he confesses that he “often offends” the women around him, and he doesn’t understand why. He’s tried to so hard to learn all those stupid rules said women are always going on about, like not interrupting or calling them stupid or anything. And yet somehow they’re still always mad at him! Must be because they’re all “highly ambitious, paranoid b-words.”

Behold his cogent sociopolitical analysis, with some identifying details redacted:

In other words, graduate school has forced this poor man — utterly against his will — not to neg his female colleagues, interrupt them, or express sexual or romantic interest in them in the middle of a professional conversation. When Camille Paglia talks about feminism undoing Western civilization, well, this is clearly what she means. This man’s only recourse is to strenuously avoid any woman in a “power suit” (because apparently he goes to school in a tense legal drama from the ’90s).

But clearly we’re missing the point here (and what can you expect? We’re all wearing power suits right now.) The problem isn’t this dude. It’s “the Twilight Zone political context of the contemporary American academy.” Our mistake.