Macaulay Culkin vs. Drake: A Brief Timeline

I try not to use the phrase “won the internet,” because the internet is a hellfire full of nightmare takes and the only way to win it is to abandon it entirely and relocate to the Kerguelen Islands. And yet, today the people of the internet have made a declaration, warranting this exception: Macaulay Culkin has won the internet. There is no prize, only admiration.

Here is what happened:

On Sunday evening, Drake, the most vocal Toronto Raptors fan ever to draw breath on this godforsaken planet, attended Game 2 of the NBA Finals against the Golden State Warriors. Drake had a nice time trolling the Warriors during Game 1 on Thursday, and on Sunday he followed suit, showing up in a hoodie silkscreened with an image of Kevin McCallister’s screaming face and the words, “KEVIN?!?!?!?”

The hoodie is a reference to Warriors player Kevin Durant, who tore a calf muscle and has missed the last two Finals games (thank you to the New York Post for the explanation, as my understanding of basketball is mostly limited to the plotline of Space Jam). It is a funny joke because Durant is a good player and the Warriors need all the good players to win the game. I get sports jokes! Good joke, Drake.

At 9:17 p.m., though, this happened:

HAHA! Do you see? Macaulay Culkin made an even better joke than Drake’s initial joke, because Macaulay Culkin is Kevin McCallister, and he is not missing! A good tweet! A fun joke! A win on the internet, according to many people who are also on the internet! I have had a lot of allergy medicine today, which makes this joke also funny to me, a person who is also on the internet!

Anyway, several hours later the Raptors lost, Drake had yet to respond to Macaulay Culkin’s tweet, and my allergy meds did not wear off. Thus ends this a very short timeline, thank you for your attention.