Loud Music Tricks Your Brain Into Thinking Alcohol is Delicious

A team of researchers in the UK have discovered that the sound of loud music causes the brain to think alcohol tastes sweeter, which in turn causes bar and clubgoers to drink more. Abercrombie & Fitch’s sound designers must want you to shop there wasted.

Portsmouth University psychologist Dr. Lorenzo Stafford gathered 80 test subjects to sit around in environments of various distraction from no distraction to club volume music while reading a news report. Participants were then encouraged to drink alcohol and rate the taste of the beverages on sweetness, alcohol strength, and bitterness (hardest test ever!). Stafford found that participants rated the drinks sweetest when distracted by loud music alone.

People naturally prefer sweet foods, and the difference in perceived alcohol sweetness when distracted by music versus anything else was significant enough that it led Dr. Stafford to conjecture that loud music played in clubs might actually encourage people to drink much more than they would normally. In addition, clubgoers may be unaware of the strength of their drink while the hottest jam insistently damages their eardrums.

If music encourages excessive alcohol consumption and excessive alcohol consumption causes irresponsible sex, and irresponsible sex leads to the spread of STI’s, then is it safe to say The Black Eyed Peas cause gonorrhea? By the transitive property, yes.