SNL alum Chris Kattan has separated from wife Sunshine Tutt after eight weeks of marriage. Eight weeks?!?! That's Pam Anderson levels of spousal misjudgment. • Patrick Swayze celebrated his 56th birthday with his wife Niemi in Chicago. Aw, keep on keeping on, Patrick. • Oy. Jennifer Love Hewitt continues to blather on about how she got "fat." She told Health magazine, "I so wish I had listened to my mom and grandma when I was 18 and would complain about some little tiny bump or feeling bloated …I used to scoff and say, 'No, I feel fat today!' Now the joke's on me." The joke is on you, but not because you gained weight — because you're a dunce. [Us, Us, People]