Illustration for article titled Loose Lips

Monty Python star John Cleese might have to pay his soon-to-be ex-wife, prominent psychotherapist Alyce Faye Eichelberger Cleese, a yearly maintenance of £1 million, in addition to giving her custody of the couples' homes in New York and London. According to the Telegraph, Cleese was "taken aback by the scale of the divorce claim." No one expects the Spanish Inquisition, eh, John? • You know who else is getting divorced? Star Jones! The former View host filed from allegedly gay hubby Al Reynolds. She told Entertainment Tonight, "Several years ago I made an error in judgment by inviting the media into the most intimate area of my life. A month ago I filed for divorce. The dissolution of a marriage is a difficult time in anyone's life that requires privacy with one's thoughts. I have committed myself to handling this situation with dignity and grace and look forward to emerging from this period as a stronger and wiser woman." [Telegraph,Entertainment Tonight]


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Dear John Cleese— perhaps this will teach you to marry me instead of Ms. Too-Many-Ys Hamburger or whatever the fuck your shrink-wife's name is.

Dear Star Jones— maybe this will teach you to spend more time thinking about your marriage than planning your wedding... and then telling America about it... all the time.