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Look Out, Michigan. You've Got a 'Pantyhose Pervert' in Your Midst

Illustration for article titled Look Out, Michigan. Youve Got a Pantyhose Pervert in Your Midst

Congratulations, women and children of Detroit, you have a new sex offender to look out for. A white male in his 50s has been witnessed frequenting several establishments, mainly clothing stores and salons (where he reportedly requests Brazilians), wearing only pantyhose to cover his lower half. I know, how terribly Edie Sedgwick of him.


The suspect has brought his dingy Frank-N-Furter routine into 20 different businesses that cater primarily to women and kids, including a Forever 21. He's described as being about 6 feet tall, with skinny legs and a beer gut, and is thought to drive a newer model silver Jeep, though none of those identifiers are as useful as the fact that he probably won't be wearing pants.

Police Say ‘Pantyhose Pervert' Might Drive Silver Jeep [CBS Detroit]

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Well, are they control-top? Or Spanx? Because if that's a problem, bike shorts are a problem.

(IMO, bike shorts: kind of a problem)

I'm no prude, but I do think decorum dictates that you keep your smushy sausage to yourself in public.