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Liveblogging The Oscars: Zzzzzz Country For Boring Montages

Illustration for article titled Liveblogging The Oscars: Zzzzzz Country For Boring Montages

The show is on! Maybe you're in an Oscar pool at work? Maybe you have all your money on No Country For Old Men? Maybe you didn't see a single nominated film but you just want to check out the speeches? Tracie and I discuss the biggest night in Hollywood (and Moe chimes in!), after the jump.



dodai: well it's over.

tracie: i still feel like puke

tracie: i'm gonna drink my orange soda then walk the dog then lie down

dodai: good night!

tracie: night!


tracie: i want to see that diving bell movie

dodai: yeah

dodai: i need to see so many

tracie: did you see no country for old men. i thought it was good but not great

dodai: i saw it

dodai: i was like really? this is how it ends?

dodai: but in terms of tension

dodai: and not knowing what the fuck was going to happen

dodai: like some movies are soooo predictable

dodai: it was NOT that

tracie: wow

dodai: no country wins

dodai: thank you and good night

tracie: is this the first time that has ever happened?

tracie: best director and best film getting both

dodai: i dunno

tracie: i think it might be

dodai: well. that was interesting

dodai: i'm so tired.



tracie: so daniel day lewis is taking this right?

dodai: hmm

dodai: yes i think so.


tracie: haha

dodai: oh viggo was good though


tracie: look at how sexy helen mirren is

dodai: she is so fucking hot. i have never been that hot

dodai: ever

dodai: and she is like

dodai: 62

dodai: i need a whole different gene pool to be that hot


dodai: harrison ford's nose is mad crooked

dodai: i never noticed before

dodai: or is it just aging?

tracie: yeah! i think it's aging

tracie: also, is he drunk or is that the aging as well

dodai: he's bored too maybe

dodai: wow. diablo!

dodai: you know what? good for her.

dodai: seriously.

dodai: in such a male dominated year

dodai: she also reads — and COMMENTS — on jezebel

tracie: her vagina is about to come out of that slit

tracie: haha i meant the slit of her dress. not the slit of her vulva

tracie: omg

tracie: this is vulgar

dodai: HAHA

tracie: hahha

tracie: hhhaahaha

tracie: she just used the envelope to cover herself up

dodai: you can take the writer out of the strip club but you can't take the strip club out of the writer?

tracie: ha. mabes


tracie: do you think that michael moore is allowed to win an academy award anymore?

dodai: no

tracie: since he gave that speech before

dodai: yeah no

dodai: they're over him



tracie: god, what the hell is this one even for

dodai: i don't know. i want to close my eyes

dodai: nice necklace

dodai: on that scuba dress

dodai: lady

tracie: that lady was freaking out, and it's like, uh, no one saw your movie


tracie: the statue is WAY sparklier in hd. i had no idea

dodai: oh really?

dodai: wow!



tracie: the atonement score was actually really good. with the typing

dodai: omg i loved it

dodai: i love the sound of typewriters

dodai: whee! it won.


dodai: there are very very few differences between hil swank and kd lang in my mind

tracie: hahahaha

tracie: oh. here it is. the deads

dodai: what is fucked is when some dead people get more applause than others

tracie: I KNOW!

tracie: heath ledger will get tons of applause

tracie: it's not just people who have been nominated. it's like everyone right

tracie: last year they snubbed anna nicole

tracie: i wonder if brad renfro will make it

dodai: well brokeback was nominated so heath will def be there

tracie: poor brad renfro!

dodai: aww.



dodai: cammie diaz

dodai: go home

tracie: right?

tracie: every time i see her, all i think about is anna faris playing her in lost in translation

dodai: yeah totally. my ex boyfriend was always like, she seems like one of those girls you think is going to be awesome and then is a total nightmare to be around


tracie: here he comes

tracie: mr. lacefronts

dodai: travolta...

tracie: hahaha

tracie: enchanted did win anything?

dodai: i guess not

dodai: this show is really killing me softly with its dullness



tracie: wait

tracie: enchanted is nominated for THREE songs

dodai: i deduce it has been a slow year for movie songs

tracie: everyone looks stoned to me

dodai: the magic of HDTV?


dodai: why do they have celebs in hair dye commercials?

dodai: does ANYONE believe eva longoria dyes her own hair???

tracie: hahahaa. i actually never thought of that!

dodai: penny cruz is my girlcrush

dodai: one of them

tracie: you've seen volver right?

dodai: YES!

tracie: she was awesome in that

dodai: totally



dodai: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

tracie: do you think the woman in the gold dress handing out the oscars is wearing underwear?

dodai: maybe she is wearing this?

tracie: hahahahahaha

dodai: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

tracie: dude, i'm going to die before this guy. FROM BOREDOM


tracie: i REALLY like nicole kidmans necklace. it reminds me of that garland type stuff my mom puts on the chandelier at christmas time

dodai: i like it too

dodai: her hair bothers me

tracie: the color?

tracie: i don't lik ethe color

dodai: the color and the over the ear sweep thing

moe: face...move...

moe: ugh creepy



tracie: renee zelwegger's eyes become more and more closed each year

tracie: what's wrong with her

dodai: i dunno

dodai: her clavicles could poke someone's eye out

tracie: for real. her shoulder blades could slice something

moe: oh my GOD Renee You almost wish she'd get an eye job, just to balance out all the other work she's had done



tracie: ok. jack nicholson is such a stoner

tracie: look at his eyes


moe: God fucking Cate Blanchett is so beautiful. That pregnancy bullshit is for realz. It's a good thing pregnancy makes you feel so rotten or else hot pregnant women would be running the streets getting taken advantage of in their vulnerable state. Or something. BTW that was not a great acceptance speech. "Thank you life, thank you love".... Speak English lady!

dodai: oh i liked it!

dodai: it seemed unpretentious

dodai: and just excited and not too thought-out

dodai: spontaneous

dodai: this show is so BORING

moe: There is unpretentious and there is illiterate. Not that it matters because she looked so hot she might be pregnant herself.



dodai: ok so

dodai: i think julie christie might get this one

dodai: unless

dodai: it's marion cotillard

dodai: hmm

tracie: wow!

tracie: awesome awesome!

tracie: she seriously deserved that

tracie: she really was edith piaf in that movie

dodai: i need to see it

dodai: i haven't seen enough

dodai: her dress is great in my opinion

tracie: hahaha

tracie: thank you life thank you love

dodai: cute

tracie: so cute

dodai: i like when people are excited

tracie: me too


tracie: ha! did you see that stank face that jessica alba gave?

dodai: she is such a malcontent

tracie: seriously

tracie: jonah weiner's tux doesn't want to button over that belly

dodai: wait why weiner HAHAH??

tracie: oh

tracie: ahahahaha

tracie: i mean jonah hill

tracie: hahahahahahahaha

tracie: freudian slip

tracie: hahahahaha

tracie: i'm loling

tracie: oh wait, there really is a jonah weiner though, right/

tracie: i'm googling

dodai: i thought maybe that was his real name, a jewish name he changed just like jon stewart is actually jon leibowitz or whatever

tracie: ok, jonah weiner is a writer



tracie: god miley cyrus is so famous

dodai: very weird

dodai: i mean i worked @ teen magazine and i still don't get it

dodai: her appeal

dodai: i mean

tracie: who'd've thought billy ray cyrus would produce another hit?

dodai: HA

tracie: yeah, i totally don't get her appeal at all

dodai: wtf is kristen chenowith wearing???

tracie: i was just about ask if i'm an evil person for hoping she trips and falls

tracie: just so we have something to talk about

tracie: what the hell movie is this from

dodai: enchanted

tracie: god, it was nominated twice?

dodai: which i saw with my mom at 10 am on christmas

dodai: we enjoyed it

tracie: hahah


tracie: ok, i over did it with this cheeseburger

tracie: i might give the rest to the dog

tracie: she's staring so intently and quietly at me

tracie: jessica alba is supposed to be in her third trimester, but she's looking pretty small

dodai: yeah again why her and not angelina???

tracie: i love james mcevoy i didn't realize that he is married to the girl who was his girlfriend on that show shameless

dodai: oh really? his accent makes me insane. HOTHOTHOT

tracie: seriously

tracie: did you ever watch shameless?

tracie: it made have the biggest crush on him

tracie: he plays a two-bit gangster/doting boyfriend

dodai: no!

dodai: where can i see it?

tracie: the first season is on dvd. but there are torrents all over for it

tracie: they showd the first season on ifc before. that or sundance

tracie: i would love it if someone would streak

dodai: it would liven things up, i am BORED

tracie: seriously!

tracie: there isn't even anything campy enough to make fun of. like interpretive dance

dodai: or roberto benigni


tracie: ok, who do you think is gonna win this?

tracie: cate probs, right?

dodai: hmm cate??

dodai: yeah

dodai: haha ruby dee's face

tracie: what's gone baby gone?

dodai: ben affleck directed

dodai: casey is in it

dodai: i LOVE tilda

dodai: love her

dodai: orlando


dodai: no, orlando

dodai: OMG

dodai: OMG

tracie: wow

dodai: wow

tracie: tilda

tracie: her dress is awesome i love how she doesn't wear makeup

dodai: she has a 29 year old boyfriend you know right?

tracie: was she there with her young lover?

dodai: oh i dunno

dodai: did you see him?

dodai: he was a centaur

dodai: that is HOT

tracie: she said she never even watched the oscars before

tracie: i love how much of a joker she is

dodai: all this masturbatory shit about how awesome the oscars are WHILE you are watching the oscars is irritating

tracie: omg, i know

tracie: let's congratulate the way we congratulate ourselves

dodai: that jc penny commercial made me feel patriotic

tracie: haha

tracie: with the dress donated by the german girl?



dodai: no one has english as a first language so far

tracie: this short film guy's date looks like amy winehouse

tracie: haha, right? it's so international


dodai: owen wilson

tracie: ooh look who's here

dodai: !!!!

dodai: hmm

tracie: he kind seems depressed still

dodai: srsly


dodai: wait what is this?

tracie: um

dodai: where did these black people come from?

tracie: is this supposed to be sung by a woman

tracie: hahah

tracie: they came from harlem. they flew them in. that's literal


tracie: haha, remember when cuba gooding jr. was in snow dogs

dodai: yes! and the gay cruise movie

dodai: j hud looks good

tracie: hahahha boat trip

tracie: boat trip doesn't even sound like a real movie

dodai: javier is totes winning

tracie: i fucking LOVE his voice

tracie: so much

tracie: hot hot hot

dodai: agreed

tracie: julia sugarbaker!



tracie: god, he is so fucking hot

dodai: fast quick dirty spanish

tracie: hahahaha

tracie: i really liked how he said "head"

moe: LOVE the seventeen layers of eyemakeup on Jhud. Wouldn't want to be charged with keeping wine stains off that dress though. And backless! Risque! But in a refreshing way! Maybe because she's not ninety seven pounds!


dodai: i don't understand why THE ROCK is there and angelina & brad are not

tracie: they didn't show up at all?

dodai: ryan secrest said they weren't invited

tracie: they were at the independent spirit awards. maybe they couldn't get a sitter

tracie: they weren't invited?

tracie: was he joking?

dodai: a mighty heart wasn't nominated

dodai: johnny depp i love you

tracie: but don't people just go anyway?

dodai: FOREVER

tracie: if they're famous?

tracie: like j. lo goes every year

tracie: she was only nominated for selena that one time

tracie: i was just about to say that vanessa's mouth looks great in that red lipstick, until she parted her lips

dodai: "TEEM BURTON"

tracie: haha



tracie: this amy adams perfomrance is making me uncomfortable

dodai: i have a headache

moe: This commercial is awesome.

moe: Which is to say, I'm lovin it

anna: love this mickey d's commercial


tracie: omg, this is so boring

tracie: did you watch persepolis yet?

dodai: no

tracie: it's so good

dodai: maybe i will tomorrow

dodai: i DID however see rataouille

dodai: which i liked

dodai: haha

tracie: hahaha

tracie: i saw surf's up

tracie: on opening night

tracie: omg! it beat persepolis?

dodai: see???

tracie: ratatoulle or however it's spelled

dodai: see???

dodai: it WAS good

tracie: whoa. katherine heigel is really nervous. shakey voice


tracie: when will they ever learn about the montages

dodai: i know. snooze.

dodai: titanic theme???? for chrissakes


dodai: is that woman GOLD?

tracie: the lady sitting with cate blanchett has my haircut

tracie: i want barbara streisand's old oscar outfit

tracie: it's like pajamas with sequins

dodai: omg glitter+comfort is the best

tracie: hahaha. totally

dodai: that is why i have a sequined muumuu

tracie: hahahaha

tracie: i was just typing that!

tracie: the perfect combo would be sequined muumuu with no brawrawn

dodai: not in the summer though, cuz then the dreaded breastsweat

moe: How do you feel about the costume designer's costume? I'm not quite feelin it. Nice arms though.

dodai: she was GOLD right?

dodai: or just on my TV?

moe: Oh yes. VERY gold.


tracie: hahaha. omg

tracie: that girl from la vie en rose girl just said, "i don't know who is that"

tracie: about "gaydolf titler"

tracie: i think she's like very esl

dodai: haha


tracie: i'm bored

dodai: me too


dodai: i'm already tired of this crap

tracie: hahaha. me too

tracie: and i feel like i'm gonna puke from last night still

dodai: oh no

tracie: this has been the longest hang over ever

tracie: i'm ordering a cheeseburger

dodai: yum


dodai: jon stewart is SO CUTE


dodai: is jack nicholson drunk?

tracie: he's probably stoned

tracie: or on ambien



moe: There is something so malevolent seeming in her tight tight face


tracie: did you like juno?

dodai: i did

dodai: i'm not into the backlash

dodai: i thought it was fun

tracie: i saw it after it got all the hype and i was like, whatevs

tracie: also, a lot of the dialogue bothered me, but not to the point that i didn't enjoy it

tracie: something is a little bit wrong with hilary swank

tracie: and i don't mean because she's a lezebel

dodai: HAHA



tracie: aahhhhh! cute!

dodai: the old lady??

tracie: yeah

dodai: i know!

tracie: i don't think she's wearing a bra

dodai: they should show more her

dodai: less seacrest

tracie: she doesn't have a brawrawn

dodai: HAHA

tracie: what's the dude's name from no country for old men? he's so hot

tracie: with normal hair i mean

dodai: javier bardem

tracie: hot

dodai: word.

moe: Just a thought: is it fair to Scorcese to remind everyone Cameron Diaz was in Gangs of New York?

dodai: these Qs are stoopid

moe: I have not seen a single nominated movie besides Atonement. I am a total failure.



dodai: jen garner's boobs look squished

dodai: garner uses RACHEL ZOE???

dodai: omg

tracie: i'm shocked

tracie: she's like 30 lbs too heavy for that

dodai: haha hopefully she won't start wasting away


dodai: regis is really really EXCITED


tracie: oh the show doesn't start till 8:30?

dodai: WTF

dodai: well we've started anyway



tracie: haha

tracie: i was really shocked at how beautiful the la vie en rose girl is when she's not being edith piaf


dodai: the show is starting!

dodai: regis is SHOUTING!

dodai: george clooney is being charming

dodai: the crowd is CHANTING for him

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The year 36Mafia won for best song I spit out my drink. the stage show for the song still leaves me speahless.

Great retro spective.