Sarah Palin is taking the stage tonight to give the most important speech of her political career. And if the shouting crowds (and my utter lack of a internet connection as I type this) are anything to go by, there's not going to be an Eagleton moment. Anyway, it seems like I'll apparently be posting this after it's over, what with the complete lack of internet access that started when she took the stage, but that's the way the Internet crumbles. (UPDATE: A hard restart, um, restarted my modem! This bitch is back, too!)11:17 ET: When the lights come up and I can find my computer plug, I'm out. Because, really, "Raising McCain" is more than I can handle without booze. I'll catch y'all tomorrow in Crappy Hour. 11:15 ET: Apparently they bumped the "entertainment." Stupid prayer-haters making it out before I did. 11:13 ET: Vaguely military-esque music starts up, and they make for the offstage. The exodus before the prayer begins. 11:11 ET: "Don't you think we made the right choice? And what a beautiful family." Also known as "Fuck the haters." No end to the applause, but "USA! USA! has started up again. 11:10 ET: John McCain steals a page from Obama's playbook and arrives onstage, only he can't look like the epitome of cool doing it. The crowd goes wild. Todd's holding Trig, which means it was definitely not a surprise. They're standing too close ot the backdrop for me to get a good look at Todd's ass. 11:09 ET: Out comes the family, Trig included. He's sleepy but awake and not quite understanding what's going on, and very cute. 11:08 ET: She's done, God Bless America, roars from the crowd, fake flag waving on the screen in the background. Cheers, etc. 11:07 ET: John McCain is inspiring, damn it! She swears! Character, hope and change belong to him alone. BWAHAHAHAA 11:05 ET: Eeeeevil. Eeeevil. We don't want no stinking eeeevil. Also, real person reference. 11:04 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured? 11:03 ET: "The American Presidency is not supposed to be a journey of self-discovery." George Bush sure knows that. Also, what's all the hate for community organizing, for real? It's kind of incredibly nasty in an unexpected way, coming from the a stadium branded "country first" and a convention lauding the idea of service above self. I guess there's only one kind of service that counts, unless you're a Republican draft-dodger in the Vietnam era, in which case there are other kinds of service you can do without being mocked. 11:01 ET: Family box full again with Roberta and Meghan among others. Also, the crowd boos Harry Reid. I'm surprised anyone feels strongly enough about old Milquetoast Reid to bother. 11:00 ET: Another mocking reference to Obama. She should've stuck to clap lines more than boo lines, in my opinion. Also, we're officially out of prime time. Let's thank Rudy! 10:59 ET: Finally a good line: "There are some politicians that use change to promote there careers. John McCain has uses his career to promote change." 10:58 ET: T minus 2 minutes until the end of prime time. We're booing corporate tax increases. Except that there aren't any corporate tax increases in Obama's plan and he's talking about lowering the rate, but he's a Dem! He's going to increase taxes! 10:57 ET: We're booing Obama for thinking the rule of law is important even when the people subject to it are bad, and for not trying to convince Iran to give up nukes before they give up nukes. 10:56 ET: Makes fun of the stage at Invesco. The crowd applauds. Also, she mocks him as thinking he's Moses and Jesus combined. I don't think mockery is that cool. It's kind of childish. 10:55 ET: Obama has two memoirs but not legislation, including no reform legislation. Guess we're skipping that lobbying ethics reform bill 10:54 ET: More oil. "American ingenuity." 10:52 ET: The reporter next to me points out that since the Palin fam is making its way to the stage to be there when Sarah finishes speaking, Cindy McCain is now sitting alone, very alone, in the family box. Sarah's still talking about drilling. 10:51 ET: Drill here, drill now... Pipe there, pipe here. 10:48 ET: True reform is hard to achieve because interests are entrenched. That's why John McCain really hasn't accomplished that much in Washington in the last two decades, but he'll totes do it in 4 years in the White House. Also, Sarah Palin sold Frank Murkowski's luxury jet on eBay. 10:47 ET: She'll carry herself as a nice person when she's VP, she promises. Totally not the one that fired the head of the library for not banning books. 10:44 ET: She doesn't care what we think. Also, the acoustics kind of suck in here, with as loud as people are shouting, it's hurting my ears. 10:42 ET: Mayors are like community organizers with actual responsibilities. Weren't Republicans 4 and 8 years ago all like, community involvement can replace government for social services? Also, she brings up Bittergate. 10:41 ET: "The difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick." Somewhere in this stadium, someone is popping popcorn. It makes me hungry. 10:40 ET: "They're always proud of America," (i.e., beware that Michelle Obama person). Loud standing ovation, "USA! USA!" 10:39 ET: "Every woman can walk through every door of opportunity." You know, unless a dude is keeping it shut. 10:38 ET: Todd's still her guy. People applaud him for that. 10:37 ET: To the parents of special needs kids, she'll be your friend and advocate in the White House. Smart. 10:35 ET: Mentions and waves to her daughters. Everyone stands and applauds. Trig is beautiful, and asleep. 10:35 ET: Proud of our troops, "USA!" etc. 10:33 ET: Victory is in sigh in Iraq. Also, she has a son in Iraq, did you know? 10:32 ET: John McCain was right on the surge. Yes, yes, understand that's the belief. 10:30 ET: Cheering stops. She accepts the nomination. Cheering begins anew. 10:28 ET: She walks out. Deafening cheers, for real this time.
Democrats better watch it, because if I know them, they will use the same sexist insults to insult Palin that people have been using against powerful women for eons. And it will bite them in the ass, because the Repubs are (disingenuously) defending her from every teensy bit of sexism that's thrown at her, and they will use it against the Dems if they're stupid enough to use gendered slurs instead of just attacking her for being an extremist.