The stars have been seated, the booze is flowing, Ricky Gervais is ready. Let's begin!
The NBC red carpet — which started at 7pm, while the E! red carpet show was still on — featured Carson Daly and Alexa Chung. Random. Does NBC think these are folks "young people" like? Alexa Chung knighted Alec Baldwin, not that she has the authority to do so.
Anyway, on to the show. The very important awards show. Where Burlesque has two nominations and True Grit has zero. Whee!
Ricky Gervais is drinking something. Is it ale? A nice lager?
Ooh. Gervais dissed The Tourist. With Johnny and Angelina in the room. Balls.
Scientology and gay jokes. Gasps from the audience.
Robert De Niro really loved the Hugh Hefner "old penis" joke.
Christian Bale needs to stand on a roof and announce that he is a golden god.
LL Cool J, I love you, but your hat needs to stay 'round the way.
Is Jake Gyllenhal dating Jenny Lewis?
The phallic award all up in Katy Sagal's cleavage made me think dirty thoughts.
I will always love David Addison.
It's early, but Chris Colfer may have given the best speech of the night. My band, Kurt's Tears, is playing an afterparty tonight. In my bedroom. It'll just be me with an invisible tambourine, watching fan videos on YouTube, but it will be awesome.
Saint Angelina's work is never done.
So… can we talk about Jon Hamm's hair? Don Draper would be livid with this look, would he not?
Burlesque: 1 Golden Globe
True Grit: Zero
We're one hour in, just about. So far, so good? At least Ricky Gervais is taking some risks. And we know that The Hollywood Foreign Press will never ask him to come back.
RDJ is a national treasure. True facts.
Annette Bening's hair is just excited to be nominated!
If this were the Oscars we would be watching a True Grit Inception of the Black Swan Social Network interpretive dance right now.
Sly Stallone's suit looks really really really expensive. Or perhaps just shiny.
Mmmm, wouldn't you just love to have a long phone conversation with Tilda Swinton? Her enunciation and inflection are delicious.
My number one award show pet peeve: People who lean into or stoop over the mic. It is a sensitive instrument, carefully calibrated, and it WILL PICK UP YOUR VOICE. Stand up straight. Speak normally. You needn't yell, nor place your lips upon it.
Temple Grandin's ensemble is charming.
Aaron Sorkin is proof that America doesn't care if you get caught in an airport with mushrooms as long as you can entertain us.
Of course he has actual TALENT, so there's that.
I want the beautiful bird in Alicia Keys' hair.
BLACK PEOPLE! Vanessa Williams is radiant. Love how the black people have to stick together. Integration is so yesterday!
Jeremy Irons, you will always be Scar to me.
I LOVE BOBBY DE NIRO. And I love his wife.
The Hollywood Foreign Press loves Facebook, movies about Facebook, and "The Way We Live Now," as Hamilton Nolan calls it.
"Bitter man with a lot of opinions" sums up a lot of Hollywood, actually.
Alicia Keys just had a baby. Damn.
Godiva, send Paul Giamatti some free chocolate!
It's been Two and a half hours of this crap already. How are you guys holding up? My eyelids feel heavy.
JGL looks rat packish. In other words, great.
OMG NATALIE PORTMAN NO WAY OMG WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT IT NO ONE EVER EXPECTED THAT IT"S NOT LIKE ANYONE NOTICED HER PERFORMANCE OR WEIGHT LOSS
The music in this Chrysler commercial was in some other commercial in the 90s or something, no? Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
Also, we are THREE HOURS in. Gah.
So… Best picture will be?
Nope! Social Network. The Hollywood Foreign Press wants you to be their friend on Facebook.
Okay kids, that's it! Thank you very much and good night.