Listen to This Dickhead Whale Making Fun of Humans

Illustration for article titled Listen to This Dickhead Whale Making Fun of Humans

So, apparently some magic white whale figured out how to manipulate its nasal tract and surrounding musculature in order to mimic human speech. The whales are learning to talk y'all:

For the first time, researchers have been able to show by acoustic analysis that whales — or at least one very special white whale — can imitate the voices of humans. That's a surprise, because whales typically produce sounds in a manner that is wholly different from humans, say researchers who report their findings in the October 23 issue of Current Biology, a Cell Press publication. "Our observations suggest that the whale had to modify its vocal mechanics in order to make the speech-like sounds," said Sam Ridgway of the National Marine Mammal Foundation. "Such obvious effort suggests motivation for contact."


Yeah, sure, "motivation for contact." When you click through and listen to the whale's vocal track (WHICH YOU MUST), I think it's pretty clear what the "motivation" is. That fucking whale dude is making fun of us!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Okay. It actually sounds uncannily like a human speaking into a bullhorn filtered through a couple feet of water. Which is probably exactly what that whale hears all the time. [Alternate theory: that whale's trainer is the teacher from Charlie Brown.] So nice work, whale. But I've still got my eye on you.)

A whale with a distinctly human-like voice [eScienceNews]



Shut up, whale! I don't go "dooo do-doo do-dooo". YOU go "dooo do-doo do-dooo". Oh my god, I feel so self-conscious now.