Lindsay Lohan Would Rather Take a Nap than Meet the President

Illustration for article titled Lindsay Lohan Would Rather Take a Nap than Meet the President

Lindsay Lohan was supposed to fly to Washington, DC to attend the White House Correspondents' Dinner, but apparently she missed her flight because she "couldn't pull it together." While it sucks that Lohan can't be bothered to sit upright and take a short flight in order to meet the fucking president, the real tragedy is that she missed the chance to sit for several hours in an enclosed tube with George Clooney! (Clooney is also attending the dinner, and made the flight.) No word yet on how President Obama handled the news that he would have to make it through the dinner without his most trusted adviser. [TMZ]


Illustration for article titled Lindsay Lohan Would Rather Take a Nap than Meet the President

When a teenage boy flipped his car in Malibu last week, he was rescued by like the 2nd best person to possibly get rescued by (#1 is GOZ, OBV): Patrick Dempsey and his shiny, shiny hair! Apparently Dempsey heard the crash outside his house and raced outside, crowbar in hand, to pry the youth from his fiery prison. Then he performed hella surgeries and made out with everyone because that's just the kind of cool dude he is. [TMZ]

Illustration for article titled Lindsay Lohan Would Rather Take a Nap than Meet the President

Following protests from groups including the Christian Council of Korea and "the Civilians Network against the Lady Gaga Concert" (real thing!), Gaga's Seoul performance was closed to underage monsters. Protestors called the tour "too homosexual and pornographic," which I'm sure caused all of Korea lose interest immediately. [E!]

Illustration for article titled Lindsay Lohan Would Rather Take a Nap than Meet the President

Inspired by an aunt who competes in the Special Olympics, Brooklyn Decker announces that she would like to adopt a special-needs baby in addition to having biological children. "I want to adopt a child or a baby with an intellectual disability one day," Decker says, "I mean, that's in the distant future, but that's always been a goal of mine." [People]

  • Dickhead hawk steals, eats Shanna Moakler's dog. [People]
  • Hugh Grant tells Ellen that his surprise baby daughter is named—surprise!—"happy surprise." [Just Jared]
  • The husband of late Road Trip star Mia Amber Davis claims that his wife died because she was too fat to be on birth control; plans to sue her OBGYN. [TMZ]
  • "You're stuck with us for another three years! Yay!" says Kris Jenner. [Us]
  • Incredibly relevant British boy-banders The Wanted declare Christina Aguilera to be "a bitch!" (with that exclamation point and everything), then add that she's not as hot as J-Lo. Yes. Good insult. Some beautiful celebrity is slightly less beautiful than a very beautiful celebrity. [Vulture]
  • Kourtney Kardashian "had a small panic attack." K. [E!}
  • Snooki wants to have her baby before she gets married so that it can be her maid of honor or something. [MTV]
  • Demi Lovato gets squished by frenzied Venezuelan fan, later tweeting: "17 freaking bodyguards yesterday and I STILL got my hair pulled!!! Hahahahaha Venezuela you are INSANE!!! I love you guys." [HuffPo]
  • Big Bang Theory star Kaley Cuoco wears a bathing suit. Her bod is declared "bangin'" and her last name is still "not cloaca." [E!]
  • Rihanna had sex. [E!]



Rant incoming!!!!

I always feel immensely sorry for Lindsay Lohan. At best, she had some shitty parents who weren't great role worst, two people who used her for financial gain or to fill their own self-worth void.

I also feel like Lindsay is still in real trouble; an addict's troubles don't magically disappear with their legal issues.

The truth is that a "Lifetime" movie is more of an act of financial desperation (and film industry suicide) than a comeback. In that industry, comebacks are rare. It's not even so much a matter of loyalty or talent. It's a matter of insurance. Cold, hard money. Nobody will work with someone who cannot be insured, and she's not insurable to a degree that she's not hire-able at this point. Not yet, anyway. So in terms of addiction, the roughest waters haven't been sailed, yet and that's the real test of sobriety and success.

I feel like people who are expecting her to get right back in the game "now that every thing is ok again!" aren't understanding what the root of her problems are or that the odds are against her having a real career ever again are very, very stacked.

But that's what my rant is all about; her life is SO much more important than her career or what she means to other people and I get really frustrated when I see articles about her that hinge on whether she's going to be making a comeback or not. There are worse things than ending up a has-been. A person can have a life full of meaning and happiness without having it documented on camera.