Lindsay Lohan will make her stage debut this September in a London production of David Mamet's satirical drama Speed-the-Plow.

The "Mean Girls" and "Freaky Friday" star, who has had well-documented troubles with alcohol, drugs and the law, will take the relatively small but complex role of an ambitious secretary in Mamet's drama about two Hollywood producers trying to close a major deal.

The show is about "the hysteria of Hollywood," which does seem like a perfect vehicle for Lohan considering the amount of hysteria she herself has created in Hollywood. I don't want to be negative, but I can't believe that this will end well. An episode of her OWN series, Lindsey, showed her barely able to get it together for a photo shoot with Elle Indonesia. It's just hard to imagine her nailing down the coordination and focus it takes act in a play.


In the original 1988 production of "Speed-the-Plow," Lohan's role was played by Madonna—not really a great sign considering Madonna cannot act.

Even though she pissed off Oprah—a major "no-no" in my book of life—I'm rooting for Lindsay, largely because I believe that most of the blame for the trajectory her life has taken can be placed on her parents. We can't help who we're born to, yo.


So I wish her luck, but I won't bet the farm on the success of this performance. Another way to look at it is that all these Lindsay Lohan trainwreck stories may one day be comical anecdotes we bring up as she accepts her second Academy Award. As it stands, Lindsay Lohan is poised to make one of the greatest comebacks in the history of entertainment. We're all just waiting for her to come back.

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