Uuuuuuuugh, Loooooohan stoooooop!!! In the immediate aftermath of the crash that totaled her Porsche on PCH last Friday, Lindsay Lohan apparently told police officers that it was her assistant who rear-ended the 18-wheeler. "It's a crime to provide false info to a police officer," says TMZ. "In addition, lying to police could trigger a probation violation in her shoplifting case, which means she faces the possibility of jail on 2 fronts." Lohan also reportedly offered the truck-driver money to keep quiet, and spirited a mysterious pink bag out of the wreckage to keep it from police officers. "They were being chased by paparazzi on her way to work and the 18-wheeler ran them off the road," explains Dina Lohan. "Thank God they are alive." Yes, Dina. I'm sure "God" gives one million shits. [TMZ] [HuffPo]

Maria Menounos revealed to Howard Stern that, throughout her life, she has been molested by multiple doctors. "Menounos, 34, said this morning that she had visited a male doctor for a throat issue and, after he had asked her to change into a hospital gown, he touched her genitals. 'I was so uncomfortable,' she recalled. 'I literally started screaming...I didn't know what to do.'" Now, Menounos says, she always brings her boyfriend into the exam room with her. Um, YEAH. Maybe also a trained attack wolf, a police officer, and a sword. Menounos has never pressed charges. [E!]


Charlize Theron shaved her head and NOBODY KNOWS WHY. Oh, wait, they do know why. It's for a movie. Mad Max reboot. It's just really hard for me to read all the way through "articles" about movie stars getting haircuts, you know? But anyway, she looks totally cute! Like a woman with short hair! (Click through for pictures.) [E!]


After adopting her second baby girl, a newborn named Adalaide Marie Hope, Katherine Heigl discovers that having twice as many babies is almost twice as hard! "I think it's far more chaotic than I anticipated," Heigl explained. "And I think every parent probably says that and every parent tries to warn new parents about it. And we all go, ‘Pish posh, it's going to be fine. What's one more?'" One more is one. More BABY. [Radar]

  • Shia LaBeouf went 26 years without dying! [E!]
  • Nas gives Gwyneth Paltrow permission to use the n-word, explaining that "she's a real n***a." Oh, okay, then. [HuffPo]
  • Tom Cruise brags about presenting Katie Holmes with a bejeweled piece that once encased his cod. [E!]
  • Joan Rivers is president of her condo board!!! In related news, I am boycotting television until someone makes a sitcom about Joan Rivers being president of her condo board. [NYT]
  • Here's a picture of Jennifer Aniston wearing something called "drop-crotch jeans." [People]
  • And here is a picture of her wearing drop-crotch jeans AND the same blazer as Kate Middleton!!! Quelle horreur! [Us]
  • Even the abject weeping of his baby children cannot convince Adam Sandler to put on pants. [People]
  • Zac Efron broke up with this person I've never heard of and didn't know he was dating. [Us]
  • Lena Dunham used to have $500,000; now she has a 1-bedroom in Brooklyn Heights. Sadly, her board president is not Joan Rivers. [RealEstalker]
  • Betty White kicks it with President Obama because they are that kind of casual bros now. [Politico]
  • So, Hugh Hefner's girlfriend Crystal Harris has decided that she wants to be a DJ. Oooh, you're a "Hugh Hefner's girlfriend" and an aspiring DJ? Let's never hang out!!! [Radar]