Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Lindsay Lohan Drunk Drives Into A Tree, Forgets Her Coke In The Car

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After crashing into a curb in Beverly Hills, Lindsay was arrested at the hospital yesterday for driving under the influence. Of what, we are not sure. Who would you cite as your "biggest influences" in your approach to the challenging role of "designated driver", Linds? Natasha Lyonne? John Belushi? Oh yes, and cocaine was found at the scene, leaving her 21st birthday's liquor sponsor Svedka to reneg on its offer of free booze, perhaps because it is logistically impossible to supply enough free booze to keep up with the amount of blow that will be consumed at that party and oh yeah someone will die.

In the car with Lindsay at the time of the accident were two other adults. Which means she found two separate people to say at the same time: "You know, I would actually feel a lot better if you drove, Linds.."

Was it Whitney and Bobby? Robert Downey, Jr. and Tom Sizemore? Oh wait, Dina and Michael Lohan?? It's clear from her choice of footwear that her judgment is pretty impaired:


Also, we bet that if she had known there was coke in the car she wouldn't be in such a hurry to drive it somewhere. Doh! She'll face a judge. No one's bothered to provide us sentencing guidelines for this shit and we're not about to research it ourselves but no judge is unmerciful enough to subject America to another fucking starlet-faces-prison-hell saga so soon after Paris. If you're a big dork you'll notice that a certain prestigious news agency was in such a rush to get this story up that its link is spelled a little hastily.

Coke Found In DUI Investigation [TMZ]
Lindsay Lohan suspected of DUI after crash [CNN]
Nine-year-olds in Manhattan have a totally healthy perspective on all this [NY Times]