Listen, about Lindsay Lohan: There is such a thing as schadenfreude, but self-destruction is sad. And to tell you the truth, we're worried about her. Right now she is probably on the scariest detox trip ever known. And though we joked about advice from The Coreys, there is only one person who really knows what Lindsay Lohan is going through — and one person whose career trajectory she could actually aim for: Drew Barrymore. Since we don't have Drew's phone number, we decided to read her 1990 New York Times bestseller, Little Girl Lost instead.


From Chapter 1:

The temptation in recovery is to believe that once rehab is finished, you will be completely healed. The reality, as I have found, is quite the opposite. The truth is that you are never fully mended. You just learn how to deal with the problems that intensify your disease.

So. Lindsay thought she was out of the woods, but she wasn't. Just like Drew! And then there's this similarity, on page 7:

Growing up... raised by a single, working mother, I was riddled by insecurity, always fearing that people wouldn't like me. "How could they?" I thought. My father hates me. My mother likes me only for the money I earn. And I know for damn sure that I'm nothing but a worthless piece of flesh.


OMG Drew! She had Mommy and Daddy issues, just like Lindsay. In fact, we hear Drew's mother, Jaid, was quite the party animal. But we're still on page 7!

Without the ego-boost of work, I got into trouble with liquor and drugs by trying to run from everything. Or to numb it. I was the party girl on the run. If I was high, I thought, everything was fine. The trouble was that I had to be high all the time.

There are more juicy details on page 9:

When I was ten and a half I was sitting in the backseat of a car driven by a friend's mother. She started smoking pot. I'd wanted to try marijuana for a long time, but I was afraid that if I asked, she's say, "No way, Drew. You're too young." However, she offered me some, and I said, "Sure, I'll try it." I was shocked. But she had a look that seemed to say, "Isn't it cute, a little girl getting stoned."


On page 10 she tries cocaine. Tune in next week for Chapter 2 — we peeked ahead and Appollonia and Matt Dillon make appearances!