If You Think Flying in the U.S. Sucks, You're Right

Illustration for article titled If You Think Flying in the U.S. Sucks, Youre Right

A survey of a million flyers has confirmed what we all already new—no one wants to fly on an American airline if they can help it.

A United Kingdom-based consultancy firm called Skytrax runs an airline and airport review and ranking site that releases stats for the best airlines around the world. Here’s 2016's top 10 list:

1 Emirates

2 Qatar Airways

3 Singapore Airlines

4 Cathay Pacific

5 ANA All Nippon Airways

6 Etihad Airways

7 Turkish Airlines

8 EVA Air

9 Qantas Airways

10 Lufthansa

It’s possible that not many U.S. citizens are hip to Skytrax and registered to vote, whereas the residents of Dubai and Qatar were quick to put their fleets in the top two spots. But that still doesn’t explain why the complimentary bag of Terra potato chips on Jet Blue are so dang small.


The winner for North American Regional Airline was Porter Airline, which is based in Canada. Virgin Airlines did win an award, for best airline in North America. How does that differ from North American Regional Airline? CNN reports that Skytrax CEO Edward Plaisted kind of describes it as a Miss Congeniality award, because Virgin Airlines is so, so nice:

“The Middle East airlines have continued to dominate,” Plaisted said after the ceremony. “Virgin America continues dominating on the customer side in North America. Turkish Airlines is a big favorite.”

If only we could fly Turkish Airlines domestically.

Image via Flickr.


Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin

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well fuck thee gently with a chainsaw

Let me wildly venture an explanation for U.S. airlines’ failure:

1) They make you pay for “food.”

2) They make you pay for shitty “booze.”

3) They serve “booze” in $10 Barbie-sized wine bottles, and on swallowing it, it’s clear the “booze” would melt Matel plastic.

4) Ken isn’t paying.

5) When you make the mistake of falling asleep on a JFK-SFO flight, and you’re sat next to a total fucking rapist frat boy, and you wake up to him filming you breasts because your V-neck changed positions while you slept, and you tell the flight attendant that your fellow-passenger violated you, she tells you she doesn’t know if that’s illegal according to sky law and refuses to take it to her supervisor.

6) That flight attendant has not seen 30 Rock.

7) Your Logan-Denver flight gets delayed by four hours and despite your direct, initially polite, intervention with another passenger (21b), the tarmac-bound conflict escalates to into a multi-row debate in which the flight attendant finally plays umpire only to declare: “I can’t make him turn off the sound on his phone notifications” - while that passenger (white, 40, of course male) plays the highest-scoring iPhone game in the world.

8) The headphones don’t fucking work.

9) The pilots sound like they’re drunk on the Barbie-wine and speaking into a lifejacket.

10) I still want to kill that one passenger. (21b) With the phone. Dickwad.

11) The lines.

12) The luggage charges.

13) The total indifference to your well-being as a passenger.

14) They ask for charitable donations in cash at the beginning of the flight - because the airline knows more about doing good for fellow humans than you do! A claim I could take a lot more seriously if they’d ejected that jerk in 21b!

15) Turbulence.