Tennessee, the Volunteer State, has a state representative who would like to "volunteer" to tell you something really, truly dumb: if you don't want your kids to end up gay, don't let them watch Modern Family. The loving gay couple featured on the show will teach kids about The Gayness, and in turn they'll themselves become The Gayness.

Republican Senator Stacey Campfield, who is a grown man named "Stacey," warned his fellow Concerned Tennesseans of the existence of an awful, subversive show called Modern Family that he's seen playing on his teevee sometimes. Apparently, this show has the potential to tell a whole generation of children about what it means to be gay.

Campfield has famously backed the so-called "Don't Say Gay" bill that just made it past House subcommittee. The bill, if passed, would bar Tennessee Teachers from using the word "gay" or referring to any sort of gayness before students reach the 9th grade. Nope, straight kids should be focused more on penises in vaginas, and gay kids should be wondering dejectedly why they're not interested in penises in vaginas.

Senate left wingers weren't as enthusiastic about the legislation as Campfield. Said Senate Democratic leader Craig Fitzhugh, "I really don't know the purpose of bringing this legislation at this time. It looks to me like a solution looking for a problem. This is certainly unnecessary. If it's unnecessary why do we do it? I think we need to look long and hard at our motives."


Duh, Fitzhugh. The motives are "let's build a world for our children where they feel pressured to grow up as fulfilled and law-abiding as Ted Haggard.

'Don't Say Gay' Bill Files out of House Subcommittee [Nashville Scene]