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The New York City subway system is crumbling. The Metropolitan Transportation Authority that runs the system can’t seem to find the cash to fix it. But rather than self-reflect on decades of neglect, fund mismanagement, and big, flashy, money-sucking projects, the MTA blames fare evaders for its budget woes.

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In these dazzling times of revivals and reversals, has the moment finally come to abandon the colloquial and concupiscent definition of “horny” for the original late 14th century usage “made of horn?” A new app suggests that cows can, in fact, have it all.

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