The body of Jakelin Caal Maquín, the seven-year-old Guatemalan girl who died of dehydration, fever, and septic shock in U.S. custody earlier this month, has been returned to her native country.

Once upon a time, Offset and Cardi B were in love. Now, they are not, but apparently they miss boning each other, so they went on a sexcation to revisit the boning. This is normal. This is fine.

For the second time in two months, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is “up and working” after a health scare, this time at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York. Just last month, Ginsburg was “up and working” after falling and fracturing three ribs; now, she’s recovering from lung cancer surgery.

There comes a time in many a young couple’s life in which they must decide whether they’re ready to raise new life. It appears that time has come for the Biebers, i.e. Justin and Hailey, who have recently adopted a puppy. Congratulations to the Biebers, and maybe to the puppy, though I am not optimistic.

Last March, Laura Ingraham made fun of Parkland shooting survivor, David Hogg, for not getting into four California colleges. Now, Hogg is going to Harvard, and Ingraham is still scrambling to get the number of big-name advertisers on her show back to pre-mocking teenagers levels.

The government shutdown means many government workers are without pay for the holidays and that the Violence Against Women Act is expired. But NORAD’s still tracking Santa, and Melania Trump’s still down to help for a few minutes or so.

As we tick down the final gasping seconds of 2018, it’s only natural to ask, “What fresh horrors will the year of our Lord 2019 bring, and how can we possibly we face them without a new ‘Bitch Better Have My Money’?” But in anticipation of those anxieties, Rihanna has gifted us the promise of an album.

Because time is either not real or too real, the little boy from Spy Kids is now old enough to be married to Meghan Trainor.

Look, it’s been a week. The government is shut down over a useless, multi-billion dollar wall, and the 90210 cast is going to reunite without Dylan and Brenda, which is also utterly pointless. But here’s a nice story for a change.

First radio stations got too soft to play “Baby It’s Cold Outside,” the holiday classic that’s either about sexual liberation or a drugged cocktail, and now Miley’s gone and ruined the lyrics to “Santa Baby,” everyone’s other favorite Christmas-centric sex ditty.

Audrey Geisel, who worked as an executive producer for many movies based on the books of her late husband, Dr. Seuss, has died at 97. Her obituaries served as an opportunity for several news outlets to imply she was a bad mother.

The government shutdown officially began at midnight, which means the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) has expired and programs that assist survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault will be left without funding.

Demi Lovato would really love it if strangers could maybe stop selling bullshit stories about her to tabloids.

Has it been a weird week, or a weird year?

‘Tis the season to reminisce about all your most harrowing Christmases, Hanukkahs, Kwanazas, etc. past!

Siwatu-Salama Ra was in her third trimester when she spent her first night in prison. She sat inside the walls of the Women’s Huron Valley Correctional Facility in Ypsilanti, Michigan, some 40 miles southwest of Detroit, for 258 days. Ra is co-director of the East Michigan Environmental Action Council, a local…

Y: Swae Lee, “Christmas at Swae’s” - Last year, Swae Lee from the duo Rae Sremmurd, released a tiny clip on social media of what sounded like a Christmas song about a lover who doesn’t appear under the mistletoe one morning. It was really, really good for what was literally a less than a minute snippet. Reader, it’s a…