Lady Mary Is the Marcia to Lady Edith's Jan Brady

All the good stuff happens to Lady Mary. All the boys like her, all the cousins want to marry her, all the Turkish diplomats die fucking her, all the attention is always on her, everyone is betting their money on her, Carson likes her. Mary, Mary, Mary! Even all the good heartbreak happens to Mary, with her love triangle with two rich men and the whole Florence Nightingale syndrome she has going on with her crippled war hero. So when a Canadian officer claiming to be the Crawleys' cousin Patrick—who supposedly died on the Titanic—came to Downton after an explosion burned his face to Freddy Krueger-makeup proportions, thus making him unrecognizable, Lady Edith was the obvious target for his con.


His is a story of fire and ice. Going by the name Patrick Gordan, the officer claimed he'd suffered amnesia after nearly drowning in the freezing waters during the sinking of the Titanic and that he regained his memory, six years later, in an explosion that burned off his face. Edith, who suffers from some serious middle-child syndrome, made for such an easy mark, since all she needed was just the slightest bit of attention to be won over. Even when the officer all but confessed that he was actually Peter Gordan, a friend of the late Patrick, Edith still wouldn't give up the fantasy that she would be the one to marry the heir to Downton, or that someone would prefer her over Mary. In the end, he left her, and she Edith was left to pine over her very own George Glass.

Unfortunately for her, it seems like the focus will once again shift back to Mary, as Cora and Carlisle conspired to bring Lavinia back to take over as Matthew's wheelchair-pusher so that Mary can get on with her life and be able to have sex and stuff.



SO who thinks "Super Bitch" O'Brien felt her tiny conscience stir over inflicting Mrs. "Evil Bitch" Bates onto Downton (she's frankly more concerned about Lady Cora, not Mr. Bates), and had some hypothetical cronies MURDER her?! Don't spoil it for me, if you already know what happened to "Evil Bitch" Bates, a'ight.