Kris Jenner Orchestrated Kim Kardashian And Ray J's Sex Tape, Sez Kris Humphries

Illustration for article titled Kris Jenner Orchestrated Kim Kardashian And Ray Js Sex Tape, Sez Kris Humphries

You know when you're with someone you're totally into but he can't stop talking about his ex and her family? And it's kind of like "shut up about Kim Kardashian, Kris Humphries! You're with me now! Me!" but you don't want to be mean about it? Like, he still won't stop texting you all "Kim used to blah blah blah" and "Kim always used to yadda yadda yadda" and "The sex tape Kim made with Ray J—the one that leaked online and made her 'unintentionally' famous—was actually her mom Kris Jenner's idea. She set the whole thing up and even asked them to reshoot it when she wasn't happy with it the first time"? And then after you and Kris break up you leak it to the tabloids for revenge? You know when shit like that happens? No? Myla Sinanaj does. [TMZ]

Illustration for article titled Kris Jenner Orchestrated Kim Kardashian And Ray Js Sex Tape, Sez Kris Humphries

It's looking like Johnny Depp was the proactive one in his split with Vanessa Paradis; he's offered a $156 million buyout to the model, singer and actress as a way to amicably end their 14 year relationship and stay out of court. Meanwhile, Depp's Rum Diary co-star Amber Heard, 26, has been visiting Depp on the set of The Lone Ranger and he even bought her a horse so they can ride together. (Heard isn't a lesbian but is in fact bisexual.) You'd think someone whose contract requires a "cool side door" to walk onstage from at awards shows and dresses like a jaunty homeless person would have a more unique and interesting midlife crisis. [MTV UK, Daily Mail]

Illustration for article titled Kris Jenner Orchestrated Kim Kardashian And Ray Js Sex Tape, Sez Kris Humphries

The tale of Alec Baldwin and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad people who make him rich and famous continues: in an appearance on Letterman right after punching a pap in the face outside the city Marriage License bureau, Alec Baldwin played off his attack by dropping trou as a distraction to display weight he'd lost. Later, he told David Letterman: ""They want you to react... they want you to take a punch or push them or something." Full account of Baldwin's post-punch press attacks: rolling his mountain bike over a 5'2" Inside Edition reporter's foot and hitting another reporter and photographer with the handlebars. [NYDN]

Illustration for article titled Kris Jenner Orchestrated Kim Kardashian And Ray Js Sex Tape, Sez Kris Humphries

Today is Prince William's 30th birthday, and he might be inheriting a trust left to him by mom Diana upon her death in 1997. He could inherit more than $15.7 million dollars, which he and Kate Middleton—sorry, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge—might spend on a country house. Prince Harry will receive his share of the trust in 2014. [Page Six]

Illustration for article titled Kris Jenner Orchestrated Kim Kardashian And Ray Js Sex Tape, Sez Kris Humphries

The frosted petit fours in One Direction (Niall Horan, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne and Zayn Malik) were kicked out of Vegas for attempted underage frolicking. "Finding out the hotel suite they had ordered wasn't the one in The Hangover [ed note: which was filmed in Los Angeles] was also pretty annoying.'' Aww. This is like The Hangover 3: I Drank Milk So I Know Exactly Where I Am this Morning, Plus My Bones Are Stronger! [Digital Spy]

  • Kanye West is planning to make an album of animal noises. He is convinced it is "an ingenious plan." [NME]
  • "Fuck romantic comedies," says "Maybe Now Is A Good Time To Take My Shirt Off" Matthew McConaughey, more or less. [Contact Music]
  • Also, he cried when he had to get a wax for Magic Mike. [Contact Music]
  • Mischa Barton strips in Noel Gallagher's new video. [Page Six]
  • And if that didn't arouse you, Eminem clubs CGI baby seals in Cee Lo's new video. [Contact Music]
  • Simon Cowell fuels plastic surgery rumors when he appears with a cut behind his ear, leading everyone to believe he did, in fact, have his old man wattle stretched more tightly over his gullet. NOW, WHERE IS MY BREAKFAST. []
  • Christina Applegate's comin' back for the Anchorman sequel. (Although the God's honest truth is that if Christine Taylor did it, I wouldn't know the difference.) [Contact Music]
  • Kristin Davis is dating Aaron Sorkin. Which is kind of great. Nothing to see here. [Contact Music]
  • Lily Allen has announced her comeback. So Lily Allen... was gone. [Contact Music]
  • Rachel McAdams prefers "flawed" men. [Monsters And Critics]
  • Carrie Underwood throws slight shade at Taylor Swift when denying the similarities between them: "[Swift] sings a little lighter sometimes." []
  • Alexa Chung is scared of the red carpet and I am scared of writing gossip roundups for women's blogs. [Winnipeg Free Press]
  • Rihanna's brother Rorrey divulges that during their childhood in Barbados, Ri was an honor-roll geek whose favorite weekend hobby was scouring the skies for UFOs ("Ri really believes there are UFOs.'') [Contact Music]
  • Salman Rushdie had the RAGER OF THE SUMMMERRRRR 2012 WOOOO last night for his birthday, performance artist Laurie Anderson did performance art and there was also probably brie en croute. [Page Six]
  • Nick and Vanessa Lachey are having a boy. [E!]
  • Um, Rielle Hunter wants to host a show about relationships. [NYDN
  • Jennifer Aniston might be the face of Aveeno. [Page Six]
  • The Voices Chris Mann proposed to his girlfriend and she said "Haha, what?" JK, she said yes. [People]
  • "No." "Never heard of it." —Snooki and JWoww on Girls. [Vulture]
  • Nicki Minaj may be heading to the White House to discuss health care after Tweeting indignantly about the death of Moesha star Yvette Wilson. [BET]

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1. I just love how some people have gone above and beyond to take up for abusive and misogynistic asshole, Alec Baldwin, over his 25 years of major fame, yet are just as quick to proclaim Mike Tyson or Ike Brown as the worst bottom feeders that ever graced the Earth. I can only imagine how fantastic it is to be a white man in America.

2. I'm sort of interested to see if Matthew McConaughey'll benefit from his new career direction or if that ship has passed him by, as I remember when folks hyped him up as the next Paul Newman back in the day (before he boxed himself into romantic comedyland).

3. Christina Applegate - Kelly Bundy

Christine Taylor - chick from The Craft who referred to Rachel True's character's curls as "pubic hair"

As far as I'm concerned, Christina Applegate >>> Christine Taylor

4. Hell has certainly frozen over because I am applauding Nicki Minaj this morning. I'm glad to see that she's just as indignant over the perhaps avoidable death of Ms. Wilson.

5. That's the smartest thing I've heard both Snookie and JWoww say in a while.