Kris Jenner Goes HAM On InTouch Over Transphobic Bruce Jenner Cover

Sound The Alarm: “Kris (Jenner) has cut off contact with In Touch, Life & Style and all Bauer publications” in light of the recent Bruce Jenner-reimagined-as-Stephanie-Beacham-from-Dynasty cover controversy, a source informed the New York Daily News. THIS IS WAR, Kris bellowed at an unnaturally high pitch for a woman of her age, eyes dancing with fire.

“They won’t get any ‘real’ quotes from the family, and will be banned from Kardashian-Jenner red carpets, events, premieres and fashion events,” the source continued. InTouch was like, whatever, you traitorous bitch: “In Touch doesn’t care if the Kardashians don’t speak to them. They felt betrayed anyway, that the family used them to get famous, then dumped them.”

Kris—this is about Kris being embarrassed, guys, not Bruce getting outed as trans on the cover of a tabloid—was apparently so torn up about the cover that daughter Khloe felt compelled to send her a gigantic bouquet of flowers and a note, reading: “Everything will fall into place, and until then we’ll have Belvedere (vodka). I love you mom.”