Oh goddamnit, America, WHY do you keep asking Kirk Cameron questions? The man literally believes that during his lifetime he and all his best fwiends are going to be whisked up to a magical slumber party in the sky, while the rest of us are stuck down here on earth fighting an undying army of frog-dragons. BECAUSE OF GAYS. So why are we consulting him on fucking current events? Cameron appeared on CNN and the Today Show to promote his new documentary Monumental, so of course everyone jumped at the chance to check in with him about Todd "sentient murderous vaginas are totally a thing" Akin. Surprise, surprise: Kirk is PRO.
I do know, as I've sat down to actually watch the video - I've learned to actually go watch it and not just read some of the transcripts and the quotes – And clearly, this is a man who is advocating the sanctity of life, through and through. And he said he misspoke and he apologized for it. I like to evaluate people based on their entire life, their entire career, all they stand for. He loves his wife, he's got six children, I believe he's a good man. He's now in a very difficult spot.
Oh dear. How sad for him. I had no idea. Go sniff a jockstrap, you dangerous, lying, shit-filled bigot. [Mediaite]
Apparently Ryan Lochte ran into Prince Harry while celebrating his 28th birthday in Vegas, so Harry challenged him to a swimming race (reportedly breast stroke and front crawl). According to a witness:
"After three races, Ryan seemed to win as he got out of the pool and jumped up and down with jubilation and then Harry got out and Ryan hugged him. I am not quite sure where the finish line was-there didn't seem to be one, [but] I think it was a girl in a bikini."
"He was a great competitor but in the end it was Team USA all the way to the wall!" added Lochte. "Next time I'm in the UK it'd be fun to challenge him to something on his own turf ! Maybe Motocross? I heard he's pretty good but I'm a competitor so…Prince Harry whenever you're ready!"
Whooooooa!!! Also here's Prince Harry doing naked hugging! [TMZ]
Pharrell Williams would like you to know that he is now an environmentalist—because "Going 'green' doesn't mean you can't be fly"—as evidenced by the fact that he has invested in a company called Bionic Yarn, which makes fabric out of recycled bottles. However! Please note that Pharrell is not one of those gross, ugly environmentalists:
I'm in this company because we can do cool things…I didn't want to dedicate my life to wearing Birkenstocks. I'm not a tree-hugger.
PLEASE MAKE A NOTE OF IT. PHARRELL WILLIAMS DOES NOT HUG TREES OR ANY OTHER PLANT. [Radar]
Lindsay Lohan was questioned by police regarding a theft at a party she attended in the Hollywood Hills. The hosts allege that two friends of Lohan's stole several expensive watches and pairs of sunglasses. Lohan reportedly didn't answer any questions, then caught a flight to New York City this afternoon. [TMZ] [News.au]
- On September 4, Kelly Ripa is expected to announce former NFL player Michael Strahan as her new cohost on Live! With Kelly. "We have a connection like nobody else," she says. "I worship him!" I don't watch this show, I've never watched this show, and I'm not going to start watching this show, but I like this. [Us]
- Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi celebrated their 4th anniversary with a "casual barbecue" and Gwen Stefani was there and it was "lovely." [E!]
- Mark David Chapman—a.k.a. the dude who murdered John Lennon (which was TOTAL BULLSHIT, BY THE WAY)—is getting a 48 hour conjugal visit in a "love shack" with his wife. [Radar]
- And the Doctor's new companion is...this lady. [Express]
- More people are still suing Drake and Chris Brown about that nightclub brawl. This one's a male model with a lacerated hand. [MTV]
- The current season of The Office will be its last, says producer Greg Daniels. But there will be a Dwight Schrute spin-off, if you're into that sort of thing (and I am not ruling it out!). [HuffPo] [HuffPo]
- TOM HARDY BEING ADORABLE IN 1988. [ONTD]
- Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes finalized their divorce, so...if any of you true romantics were holding out hope...condolences. [Extra]
- Kanye West—along with Nicki MInaj, Nick Jonas, Pharrell Williams, Alanis Morissette, Sean "Diddy" Combs, Lenny Kravitz, Michael Douglas, Michael Keaton, Diane Keaton, Alex P. Keaton, all the Kardashians, Larry King, a pile of marshmallows, and two rabbits fucking—is supposedly in talks to be an American Idol judge. [HuffPo]