Kind Bigot Paula Deen Empathizes with Other Bigots Like Phil Robertson

The Paula Deen comeback tour continues, y’all, this time with an extensive interview in People Magazine where the queen of boootter and oil expressed a lot of sadness about how people see her as racist all because she used the n-word a handful of times and once — JUST ONCE —got all sentimental about the good ol’ days when white people were allowed to own black slaves. She also expressed that she feels a lot of empathy for people like Duck Dynasty star/fellow popular racist Phil Robertson, who came under fire last December when he was quoted in GQ as saying that being gay was gross and illogical and that black people were happier during the Jim Crow era — a time when they were allowed to work in the fields and sing songs IN PEACE.

Awww, can we ship Phil and Paula now?

People asked Deen how she felt about public figures like Robertson and others who, like her, were embroiled in scandals this year, but somehow managed to avoid a fallout as big as her own. She responded:

“It’s amazing that some people are given passes and some people are crucified. I have new empathy for these situations, though. My dad always told me, ‘Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear.'”

How gracious of her! Then again, what the fuck is she even talking about? Deen’s “fallout” has lasted just over six months and during those six months, her fans still flocked to her restaurant and bought tickets for her shitty cruise. BUT to her credit (jk), Deen also compared herself to NFL draft prospect Michael Sam who’s black AND gay so clearly she’s devoted the last half a year to growing as a (completely nonsensical) person.

In conclusion, Deen explained that she got so caught up in her criticism last June that she “could not get off the computer except to go to the bathroom and eat.” This statement is the greatest because it sounds like she was eating on the toilet.