If you’re a celebrity who hopes for many more magazine covers in her future, there’s one person you probably shouldn’t fuck with, and that’s Anna Wintour.
Which is why Kim Kardashian should have taken a cue from Beyoncé’s playbook (I mean, she already knocked off her dress, right?) and posted her asstastic selfies before appearing on the red carpet, perhaps in a weird, shitty-looking basement, not at the actual Met Gala, as Wintour requested of its guests. Maybe if she had, her name would be listed on the cover alongside other featured attendees (including her sister, Kendall—oh, snap!) and not in Anna Wintour’s burn book, buried deep in the archives of the Vogue sample closet under those ugly Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes that Carrie went crazy for in that episode of Sex and the City. Either way: Rihanna is on a boat somewhere, laughing and topless (I’m speculating, but it’s not too far fetched of an idea).
Meanwhile, Papa West made some jokes about George W. Bush, asking the audience in attendance for the SAIC’s commencement if they “knew he was an artist” (no; who could have guessed it? we all just thought he was a busy president taking care of running the country, etc.) and that he has some “very cool self portraits.” Haha, I totally get it, Kanye! Hey, is this a two-drink minimum kind of place? [Business Insider]
“Well of course Jay Z bought Beyoncé a dragon egg from Game of Thrones,” you’re probably saying to yourself, shaking your head before clicking the link to find out if it’s heavy (yes), expensive (naturally), coveted (duh) and featured in the upcoming June issue of Harper’s Bazaar (give this story a magazine of its own, I say). [Us Weekly]
•David Schwimmer will play the late Robert Kardashian in an upcoming biopic about the OJ Simpson trial, and either 1. has a really good facialist, or 2. has been tipping back on the injectables a teensy bit. [Us Weekly]
•Kourtney Kardashian has a set of holy tits. [Instagram]
•Blac Chyna’s “surgically modified back” wants full custody of her son, King Cairo. [Bossip]
•Ryan Gosling is aging just fine, thanks for asking! [Just Jared]
•Lena Dunham is (still) working on her fitness, with or without her clothes. [Page Six]
•Anna Kendrick, however, is not so thrilled about her new Taco Bell-free lifestyle. [People]
•Maybe Prince Harry isn’t so single? [OK!]
•Class act Joe Giudice is probably cheating on Teresa while she finishes her prison sentence. [OK!]
•Snoop Dogg and Pharrell Williams are having a Jerry Maguire moment. [Music News]
Images via Getty