Kevin Bacon Asks Hollywood Men to 'Free the Bacon' AKA Their Dicks

Kevin Bacon is sad, my babies. He is afflicted with a melancholy exclusive to those stifled by the burden of concealment, bedeviled by the inability to bare his true self to the world. But friends, this isn’t about his dwindling relevance—it’s about his dick. He wants to show it to you.

And that’s not all: he wants his male Hollywood compatriots to join him in a crusade to up the ante on male nudity in film and television. It’s time to air your junk, boys, or, as Bacon would have it, to “Free the Bacon.” He has even created a hashtag (#FreetheBacon) which you can use when you post a dick pic to Instagram and are soon after reported for indecency. Isn’t that so unfair, though? Kevin Bacon thinks so.

In this video filmed at Mashable, the actor I generally mistake for Bon Jovi takes films like Fifty Shades of Grey and television shows like Game of Thrones to task for failing to deliver the crown jewels. He’s willing to mitigate this boner deficit if you’d like to cast him as a naked wizard.

He’s not not emphasizing the wide berth between the number of female nude scenes and those featuring men. Still, it’s such an uncomfortable 2:47 minutes that one can’t quite discern what the take home point is—other than that Kevin Bacon really wants you to remember his existence, and for you to appreciate his package, too. (Ahem, he’s starring in the upcoming thriller Cop Car. Maybe you’ll see some dick.)